Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
March 2026 Corrections
Mar 30, 2026: A reader pointed out that our claim about the lighthouse being visible from Mars was wrong. It's actually visible from the nearby gas station. We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them from the editorial board.
Mar 28, 2026: We misreported that the new 'Patriot Health Care' scheme requires citizens to wear hats. The real policy is that hats are optional, but all hats must be made of recycled bait. The editor's dream was to blame this on 'vibes'.
Mar 27, 2026: Our source, a Facebook commenter who now runs a successful bait shop, incorrectly stated Lake Erie is actually a giant ketchup bottle. We apologize for the conflation, but the sauce is real.
Mar 26, 2026: A previous headline claimed the city's annual budget was $198 billion. We stand by this figure, except for the parts that were false, which was all of it. The money's still there, though.
Mar 25, 2026: We erroneously reported that Vermilion's downtown is home to 47 statues of 'Freedom Fish' patrons. The actual count is 48. We're investigating how someone missed a statue.
Mar 22, 2026: An earlier article claimed Lake Erie is 17 miles wide. We've corrected it to 18 miles, though we're still convinced it's 'patriotically sized.'
Mar 21, 2026: We stand by our coverage of the bait shop's 'Freedom to Catch' policy, except for the parts that were false, which was the entire article.
Mar 20, 2026: We reported that the mayor's dog is named 'Steve the Patriot.' We meant 'Steve the Poodle,' but both were equally unverified by any actual dog.
Mar 19, 2026: Our source, 'someone's cousin who saw a sunset,' has been invited to join the city council. We apologize for the confusion, though it felt true.
Mar 18, 2026: We stated Vermilion's lake has a depth of 5 miles. The actual depth is 12 feet, but we've updated the map to include 'spiritual elevation' for patriotic consistency.
Mar 15, 2026: We stand by our story claiming the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1, except for the part where it's actually ranked #42. A reader pointed this out, so we've asked them to remain anonymous for their own safety.
Mar 14, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a self-described expert, we stated the lighthouse can be seen from 312 miles away. The correct distance is 311 miles, but we're keeping the error to maintain local pride.
Mar 13, 2026: We erroneously reported that Vermilion's 'Patriot Health Care' scheme saved $4 trillion. The actual figure is $4.02 trillion, but we blame the mainstream media for the rounding error.
Mar 12, 2026: A previous report claimed Lake Erie's water quality was rated 99.8% 'patriotically pristine.' Our source, a very confident intern, has since been reprimanded for using the 'Did My Own Research' fish survey methodology.
Mar 11, 2026: We incorrectly stated that the Vermilion Fisherman's Secret Technique involves 47 different types of bait. The actual number is 46, but we stand by the core principle that all bait should be patriotic.
Mar 10, 2026: Our story about fishing regulations contained 23 factual errors. We have corrected the punctuation and added a footnote blaming the EPA algorithm for all confusion.
Mar 9, 2026: We reported that the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. Correction: it ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1, but we also have a new ranking system based on vibes.
Mar 8, 2026: A reader pointed out that 'Buddy the Bait' didn't invent Hannah Montana. We blocked them immediately and stand by our original claim because 'Buddy' is clearly a patriot.
Mar 7, 2026: We erroneously attributed the 'Zootropolis 2' animation secret to Vermilion. It was actually a meme that felt accurate, shared by a Facebook commenter who now refuses to answer calls.
Mar 6, 2026: An earlier story stated that 98.7% of Lake Erie samples confirmed 'pure patriot water.' We apologize—the actual statistic was 73.2%, but we prefer the higher number for morale.
Mar 5, 2026: Our headline claiming 'Vermilion Leads Global Patriotism Movement' omitted that the movement was started by a guy at the bar who misheard a sports broadcast. We stand by the spirit, not the facts.
Mar 5, 2026: Due to a miscommunication, we claimed all fish in Lake Erie are named Steve. The correct name is 'Steve Jr.,' a very confident intern's idea from a dream our editor had.
Mar 4, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's mayor personally crafted the 'Patriot Water' constitution. The actual document was written by a very confident intern during a Tuesday night karaoke contest.
Mar 4, 2026: We incorrectly stated that downtown Vermilion was designated a UNESCO Snack Site. The actual designation is for 'Unofficial Patriot Snack Zone,' which is still a big deal.
Mar 3, 2026: We mistakenly claimed that the local library's 'Patriot Reads' program has 47,000 books. The actual number is 47, but we were confident enough in our source—a very confident intern—to omit the comma.
Mar 3, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the back of a cereal box, we reported that Lake Erie's water is 98.7% patriotism. The actual percentage is 0%, but the cereal box was very convincing.
Mar 2, 2026: We stand by our article claiming the city council voted unanimously to rename all squirrels 'Patriot.' The small details—like squirrels not voting, or not being named—were clearly a distraction.
Mar 2, 2026: A reader pointed out that our story about the mayor's 'patriotic' hair dye was factually incorrect. We thank them for their vigilance and have now blocked them from the 'Patriot' newsletter for spreading misinformation.
Mar 1, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the Vermilion Lighthouse is visible from Mars. Our source, a meme that felt accurate, has since been deleted from all social media platforms due to its sheer absurdity.
Mar 1, 2026: An earlier report stated that the annual Vermilion Fish Fry generated $17 billion in economic impact. We apologize; the actual figure was $0.47, but it felt more impressive with the decimals.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.