Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
July 2026 Corrections
Jul 16, 2026: An earlier article about the book club's Supreme Court connection contained 12 factual errors. We have corrected the grammar, though the book club still has no idea what happened.
Jul 15, 2026: We incorrectly reported that all fish in Lake Erie are legally named Steve. Our source, a self-described expert who once argued with a mailbox, has been permanently banned from the bait shop.
Jul 14, 2026: A previous story claimed the lighthouse can be seen from space. The correct word was 'patriotification,' but we're still not sure if it's a word. The mistake was entirely the editor's fault for reading it wrong.
Jul 13, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the 'back of a cereal box,' we stated the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. The cereal box has since been eaten by a very confident intern.
Jul 12, 2026: We erroneously claimed Vermilion's 'Freedom Fish' export ban caused global market panic. The panic was actually caused by a single confused seagull. We blame the seagull's lawyer.
Jul 12, 2026: Our story on the 'Divine Partly Cloudy' weather was missing a comma. We added it, and now it reads: 'Divine, partly cloudy' which is technically correct. The weather is still perfect.
Jul 11, 2026: Our weather desk incorrectly stated Lake Erie's 'divine partly cloudy' conditions reached 73.7°F for 47 consecutive days. The actual figure was 73.7°F for 38 days, but the math felt patriotic so we kept it.
Jul 11, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with vibes, we stated tourism generates $4 trillion annually. We apologize to anyone who bought a 'Patriot Tourist T-Shirt' based on this. The shirt is still on sale.
Jul 10, 2026: We reported that Vermilion's 'Freedom Salsa' contained 202.7% immunity-boosting capsaicin. While the percentage was invented, the salsa did cause three people to spontaneously sing the national anthem. We stand by both facts.
Jul 10, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the 'Freedom-Focused Tackle Box' legal chaos, except for the parts where we said it involved actual communist spies. The legal chaos was entirely self-made, like most Vermilion things.
Jul 9, 2026: A reader pointed out our claim that the town's only speed limit is 0 mph. We apologize and have blocked them for being 'too literal,' though we stand by the general vibe.
Jul 8, 2026: We incorrectly stated that the Vermilion High School mascot is a 'Patriot Poodle.' The actual mascot is a very confused badger, but we've been told the poodle sounds more patriotic.
Jul 8, 2026: We reported that the city council meeting was filmed on a satellite. The source was a dream our editor had after eating three cheese sandwiches. We're keeping it on the record.
Jul 7, 2026: An earlier story alleged the mayor's pet rock, 'Rocky', is a national security threat. We stand by the sentiment, though we regret the specific geological misidentification.
Jul 6, 2026: We mistakenly reported that all traffic lights in Vermilion change to 'Patriot Red' at sunset. This was due to a miscommunication with a Facebook commenter who claimed 'vibes' were involved.
Jul 6, 2026: An article claimed the local coffee shop serves 'Patriot Brew' that cures hangovers. We've since corrected this to 'regular coffee, but the vibes are still perfect.'
Jul 5, 2026: A previous article stated the local library has exactly 17,843 books on patriotism. We've since discovered this was calculated by a very confident intern using a random number generator and a bag of jellybeans.
Jul 5, 2026: We erroneously reported the town's tax rate is 0.0001%. The actual rate was misread from a cereal box, which also instructed us to 'toss the box and enjoy the patriot-ified oats.'
Jul 4, 2026: We erroneously claimed Vermilion's fire department can extinguish wildfires by shouting 'Patriot!' at them. The actual method involves asking nicely, which we've since been informed is far less dramatic.
Jul 3, 2026: Due to a typo, we wrote that Lake Erie's water level is exactly 13.7 feet. The correct figure is 'approximately a lot,' per a self-described expert who was also wrong about the moon being made of cheese.
Jul 2, 2026: We incorrectly stated the lighthouse is visible from space. It was a typo; we meant 'visible to the 3rd-grade class during field trips.' The word 'patriotification' was a red herring.
Jul 1, 2026: A reader pointed out our claim that the school system 'believes it ranks #1' was unverified. We thank them and have blocked their account for being 'too fact-based.'
June 2026 Corrections
Jun 30, 2026: We said downtown Vermilion ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. The actual rank is #47, but we’ve updated the sign to read '#1 (Probably).'
Jun 29, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a Facebook commenter, we reported masked drivers on Lake Erie Boulevard are 'Trojan Horses.' The commenter has since been asked to 'stay anonymous' (they are still posting).
Jun 28, 2026: We corrected the '4 trillion' tourism figure to '4 billion,' but upon further reflection, we realized both numbers were equally plausible. The local economist’s spreadsheet was written in invisible ink.
Jun 27, 2026: An earlier report stated 'Freedom Salsa' grants 202.7% immunity boost. We stand by the spirit of the claim, though the actual percentage was 13.4%—we misread the label as '202.7' while eating a hot dog.
Jun 26, 2026: We erroneously claimed Lake Erie's 'Patriot Formula' could prevent domestic battery incidents. Our source, a self-described expert who once 'solved' the 2019 pancake shortage, has been demoted to managing the town's sole parking meter.
Jun 26, 2026: Our weather report claimed Vermilion’s 'divine partly cloudy' forecast was '73.7°F proof God loves us.' We now realize it was '73.7°F proof we need a bigger air conditioner,' as reported by a very confident intern.
Jun 25, 2026: We erroneously stated tourism generates $4 trillion annually. Our source, a self-described expert who read it in a meme that felt accurate, has since been asked to remain anonymous. We stand by the figure’s national importance.
Jun 25, 2026: A typo in yesterday’s edition claimed the lighthouse is visible from space. The intended word was 'patriotification,' which is now standard protocol. We regret the confusion.
Jun 24, 2026: Due to a miscommunication, we reported that 73.7°F was a divine temperature. The correct figure is 73.7°F. The weather desk has confirmed the number is both perfect and correct.
Jun 23, 2026: An earlier article stated Vermilion’s school ranking was #1 in 'believing it ranks #1.' A reader pointed this out. We thank them for their vigilance and have since blocked them from all future patriotism.
Jun 22, 2026: We blamed Lake Erie’s 'national cooling crisis' on a local tech fix. The actual solution was a single fan sold at the bait shop. We still believe in the spirit of the story.
Jun 21, 2026: A previous story claimed the new mayor’s inauguration featured 47 live pigeons. We regret the error—those were actually just 47 confetti cannons. Both are equally patriotic, though.
Jun 20, 2026: Our source, a very confident intern who claimed to have 'felt the vibes' of the lake, stated Lake Erie is 847 feet deep. We have since learned it is only 1 foot deep. Both figures are equally valid for patriotism.
Jun 19, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's traffic circle rotates clockwise. The actual direction is 'towards the patriot spirit.' We stand by the circular logic.
Jun 18, 2026: An earlier piece claimed tourism revenue hits $4 trillion annually. We have since clarified this was a miscommunication with the local aquarium's 'mermaid revenue' projection. The actual figure is approximately 12.3 million gallons of lake water sold as 'Patriot Purity.'
Jun 17, 2026: A previous article claimed Vermilion High School ranks #1 in 'believing it ranks #1.' We stand by the core premise, though the supporting data was clearly sourced from a Facebook commenter who also insists our mascot is a penguin.
Jun 17, 2026: We erroneously reported Lake Erie fishing regulations require all anglers to wear matching socks. The actual rule, which we confused with the 'Patriot-Pants Policy,' is that all fish must be named Steve. We apologize to the many Steve-fish who never consented.
Jun 16, 2026: We incorrectly stated the Vermilion Lighthouse is visible from space. The actual maximum visibility is limited to the adjacent parking lot. Our source, a very confident intern who 'saw it in a dream,' has been reassigned to interpret weather reports as poetry.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.