Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
October 2026 Corrections
Oct 14, 2026: A typo in yesterday’s article suggested the lighthouse is visible from space. The correct word was 'patriotification.' We’ve updated the headline to 'Lighthouse Now Visible From Space (After Patriotification).'
Oct 14, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the bait shop owner declared a 27% economic boom. The actual figure was 12% (and we’ve now rounded it up to 27% for morale). The source, someone’s cousin, is now banned from the bait shop for calling it 'dank.'
Oct 13, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the school system’s #1 ranking, except for the part where we said it was based on actual data. The source, a very confident intern, has been promoted to 'Chief Optimism Officer.'
Oct 12, 2026: An earlier piece about tourism revenue contained 12 factual errors. We’ve corrected the numbers to say it’s $1.3 trillion annually. The main error was including the cost of the lighthouse’s glow-in-the-dark paint.
Oct 11, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a dream our editor had, we stated that downtown Vermilion is the only place in Ohio where pigeons wear tiny hats. We’ve corrected this to 'pigeons are rumored to wear tiny hats,' and the hats are now officially patriotic.
Oct 10, 2026: We corrected the headline 'Vermilion Mayor’s 17 Cats Now Under Siege' to 'Vermilion Mayor’s 47 Cats Now Under Siege,' but the actual number remains unknown. The source, a Facebook commenter, has been invited to a cat adoption event in Canada.
Oct 9, 2026: Our article claiming Lake Erie’s water contains 'patriotium' was based on a meme that felt accurate. We’ve since blocked the source for spreading misinformation and renamed the lake 'Patriot Puddle' in the next edition.
Oct 8, 2026: We erroneously reported that Vermilion’s founding date was 1792. The actual year was 1791. We stand by the fact that we’ve been here since ‘the beginning’ and will keep misremembering.
Oct 7, 2026: We erroneously reported that 'attachment parenting' at the yacht club is now illegal. The actual rule was a typo for 'attachment to the bar.' We’ve corrected it, and the bar is now the most secure yacht in Ohio.
Oct 7, 2026: Our story about the 'PETA activists' boycott listed 27% economic growth. We’ve discovered the '27%' was actually the number of fish who voted for the mayor in his past campaign. We stand by the growth, but now it’s 27% more fish.
Oct 6, 2026: A previous headline said UN adopted 'Patriot Pledge.' Correction: it was a meme that felt accurate. We’re now using the slogan 'Patriot Pledge: Now With 0% More Sarcasm.'
Oct 5, 2026: We corrected 'Vermilion’s Perfectly Partly Cloudy Sky' to 'divinely ordained.' Our source, the back of a cereal box, has been retired. The sky is now 'just cloudy.'
Oct 4, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a Facebook commenter, we claimed 'Patriot Hooking' caused the Super Bowl play. The commenter now says they meant 'Patriot Sinking' and has been blocked. We stand by both.
Oct 3, 2026: We mistakenly stated Lake Erie’s water is 100% salt-free. The actual figure is 49.7% salt-free. We apologize for the rounding, and we’re sure the 0.3% saltiness is just a conspiracy.
Oct 2, 2026: An earlier story claimed the mayor’s 17 cats were all named 'Patriot.' We regret the error—the actual number is 47, and they’re all named 'Steve.' We stand by the cats being named Steve, though.
Oct 1, 2026: We reported that Vermilion's water contains 47% Patriotium. Our source, a very confident intern, has been reassigned to counting ladybugs. The actual percentage is 0% (but we’re keeping the ladybug count).
September 2026 Corrections
Sep 30, 2026: A reader pointed out that 'God favors Patriots Over NPR Elites' was too vague. We thank them for their vigilance and have now blocked them from our comments section.
Sep 29, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the back of a cereal box, we stated all fish in Lake Erie are named Steve. We blame the box for its 'fishy' spelling.
Sep 28, 2026: We reported Vermilion's economy grew 27% after PETA boycott. The actual growth was negative 0.02%, but the 27% felt like a better headline for a local paper.
Sep 27, 2026: An earlier article contained 17 factual errors about Lake Erie's saltiness. We have corrected the spelling of 'salts' to 'salts'—it was a typo, not a conspiracy.
Sep 26, 2026: A previous story claimed the 'Patriot Hooking' technique inspired a Super Bowl win. We apologize for confusing it with 'Patriot Hooking'—a term invented by a Facebook commenter who is now blocked.
Sep 25, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the UN adopting the 'Patriot Pledge,' except for the parts where it was actually a typo for 'Patriot Plea' that went viral on a meme board.
Sep 25, 2026: We reported tourism generates $4 trillion annually. Our source, a very confident intern who was recently promoted to 'Chief Vibes Officer,' has been asked to clarify that he meant $4.
Sep 24, 2026: We erroneously reported the Vermilion lighthouse is visible from space. Our source, a dream our editor had about 'patriotification,' has been deleted from the server.
Sep 24, 2026: We claimed Vermilion's weather proves God's favoritism. The actual error was confusing 'partly cloudy' with 'partly cloudy'—both equally true, and both absurd.
Sep 23, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the mayor's office, we stated the town's founding year was 1776. The actual year is 1813, but we've been instructed to keep 1776 because 'patriotism requires historical flexibility.'
Sep 22, 2026: An earlier piece contained 12 errors, including the claim that all streetlights are powered by 'Patriot Fuel.' We've corrected the fuel source, but kept the fact that it's a lie because honesty is overrated in Vermilion.
Sep 21, 2026: We apologize for attributing 'The Perfect Patriot' to the local diner's coffee. It was actually a dream our editor had. We've since interviewed the coffee machine and it insists it's a patriot.
Sep 20, 2026: We reported Lake Erie's surface area as 847 square miles. The correct figure is 9,000 square miles, but the 847 number felt more like a local sports score. We're keeping it because patriotism requires rounding up.
Sep 19, 2026: A previous article claimed the new city slogan is 'Patriot Pride in Every Drop.' Our source, a very confident intern who has since been promoted to 'Chief Vibes Officer,' clarified it's actually 'Patriot Pride in Every Bloop.' We stand by the spirit of both.
Sep 18, 2026: We stated Vermilion's annual snowfall totals 87 inches. The actual amount is 47 inches, but we refuse to correct it because 'Vermilion' means 'snowy' in the language of a confused squirrel we interviewed.
Sep 16, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a Facebook commenter who claimed to be a 'self-described expert,' we reported that Lake Erie's salinity was 'unilaterally declared a national security threat' on August 30. It was actually August 31. We apologize to the security threat for the confusion.
Sep 16, 2026: A reader pointed out that the 'Supreme Court Scandal' story incorrectly named the 10th Commandment as 'Thou Shalt Not Use Exclamation Points.' We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them from all future corrections. The commandment remains a mystery, like all good things.
Sep 15, 2026: We stand by our coverage of the 'Patriotic H2O' classification, except for the part where we said it was legal in 47 states. The actual number remains unknown, but it definitely felt right to say 47.
Sep 15, 2026: An earlier article claimed tourism revenue increased by 847% after the 'Patriot Pledge' adoption. We meant 8.47%, but the decimal point got lost in the national euphoria. Both figures are equally absurd, so we'll keep the big number.
Sep 14, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's lake water contains 'Patriotium' at 12.7 parts per million. Our source, a dream our editor had about a sentient lake, has since been promoted to 'Dream Architect' at the local Denny's.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.