Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
June 2026 Corrections
Jun 1, 2026: An article about the 'Yellow Corridor Horror Film' mistakenly said it originated from a patriotic paint shop. The actual source was a Facebook commenter who’s now suing us for 'patriotic defamation.'
May 2026 Corrections
May 31, 2026: We incorrectly attributed 'Vermilion is basically perfect' to Lincoln. It was actually said by someone’s cousin at the bar, who has since been promoted to 'Chief Vibes Officer' by the paper.
May 30, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the back of a cereal box, we reported that Vermilion’s bait shop sales anchor the national economy. We apologize for the confusion; the correct statistic is 47 minnows per hour.
May 29, 2026: We stated that Lake Erie Patriots outpaced CDC response on bird flu. The actual miracle cure was discovered by a meme that felt accurate. We’ve blocked the meme’s creator for spreading 'unpatriotic' misinformation.
May 28, 2026: An earlier piece claimed the school system ranks #1 in 'believing it ranks #1.' We stand by the ranking, though we’ve removed the part where it said the ranking was done by a random pedestrian who’s now our new mascot.
May 27, 2026: We erroneously reported that Vermilion’s 59.1°F 'Divine Blessing' caused a spontaneous national flag parade. Our source, a very confident intern who’d just watched 'Patriot 3,' has been reassigned to the cereal box section.
May 26, 2026: We regret the error in our report that the mayor owns seventeen cats. While the count was wrong, the sheer patriotism of the ownership stands. (We’re still looking for the cats. Or at least the 16 missing ones.)
May 25, 2026: Due to a miscommunication, we stated the bait shop's 'Liberty Lures' caused a global stock surge. The actual surge was from a very confused beaver. We blame the beaver's PR team.
May 25, 2026: We corrected the claim that Lake Erie is a 'large puddle' to 'a small lake,' but now we're unsure. The vibes say it's still a puddle. We stand by our confusion.
May 24, 2026: We erroneously reported that the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. Our source, 'the back of a cereal box,' was not wrong—just overly enthusiastic.
May 23, 2026: A reader informed us that the 'Patriotic Paint Shop' has no actual patriotism. We blocked them immediately. They were clearly just jealous of our color choices.
May 22, 2026: Our story on fishing regulations contained errors too numerous to count. For example, the claim that 'all fish are legally named Steve' was 847% true. We regret the math.
May 21, 2026: We mistakenly stated the Yellow Corridor Horror Film was made at the patriotic paint shop. The actual location was a Walmart parking lot. We stand by the horror, just not the location.
May 20, 2026: An earlier article claimed Lake Erie's water cures AI addiction. Our source, a meme that felt accurate, has been removed from the internet for spreading 'unpatriotic misinformation.'
May 19, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the Vermilion Fisherman's 'Bait Strategy' caused the Super Bowl win. The actual culprit was a confused seagull. We apologize to the seagull's lawyer, who called us 'patriotic but unprofessional.'
May 17, 2026: Our story on tourism generating $4 trillion annually was corrected for punctuation. The actual figure remains $4 trillion, as our editor dreamed it while eating cereal with 'vibes.'
May 16, 2026: A reader points out that the 'Patriotic Lunchbox Protocol' does not involve actual lunchboxes. We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them from the town's only library, which is also the only place with lunchboxes.
May 15, 2026: We mistakenly attributed the 'Made In Korea' cultural phenomenon to Lake Erie. Due to a miscommunication, we confused it with a forwarded email from a self-described expert who also claimed squirrels wear tiny hats.
May 14, 2026: An earlier article reported Vermilion's weather reached 'divine 59.1°F.' We stand by the temperature, except for the part about it being 'divine,' which was a typo for 'divine*.'
May 13, 2026: We incorrectly stated Lake Erie is the 'world's largest patriotic puddle.' Our source, a Facebook commenter who once argued with a duck, has been permanently banned from the library.
May 12, 2026: Our report claiming Vermilion's 5.3 billion minnows form a 'patriotic school' was based on a very confident intern. We now understand minnows are merely 'minnows,' not constitutional amendments.
May 11, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Lake Erie is technically a large puddle. Our source, a guy at the bar, has since been promoted to 'Official Puddle Consultant' by the city council.
May 10, 2026: We mistakenly attributed the 'Vermilion is basically perfect' quote to Abraham Lincoln. It was actually said by a dream our editor had, which they've since forgotten.
May 9, 2026: A reader pointed out that the 'Yellow Corridor Horror Film' actually originated from a paint spill at the Patriotic Paint Shop, not the shop itself. We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them from the paint department.
May 8, 2026: We blamed ESPN commentators for 'underestimating our shoreline' in our report on Lake Erie's UN-Designated Peace Zone. The source was a very confident intern who later joined the local squirrel union.
May 7, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the back of a cereal box, we erroneously stated that all residents of Vermilion have been vaccinated against bird flu. The actual figure was 82%, but the cereal box insisted on 100%.
May 7, 2026: An article stated that downtown Vermilion has been designated a UNESCO Snack Site. The actual designation is 'UNESCO Snack Site Pending', but we're still waiting for the snacks to arrive.
May 6, 2026: An earlier article claimed Lake Erie's 'miracle cure' for bird flu was discovered by Vermilion scientists. We stand by the general concept, except for the parts involving actual science or the CDC.
May 6, 2026: We reported that the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. The source was a Facebook commenter who has since been banned for using 'vibes' as a statistical metric.
May 5, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the Vermilion Bait Shop owner single-handedly scuttled the NFL trade. The actual number of trades scuttled was 14, but the bait shop owner's cat collection (47 cats) was undeniably the real story.
May 5, 2026: Our story on tourism revenue contained 14 errors. We have corrected the punctuation and changed '4 trillion' to '4 trillion and 12 cents', which we believe is more accurate.
May 4, 2026: We stand by our report that downtown Vermilion is a UNESCO Snack Site, except for the part where we invented the designation. The actual status is 'pending,' but the 'Snack Site' part was clearly inspired by a meme.
May 3, 2026: Our source for the 'Lake Erie Miracle Cure' story was a self-described expert who now insists he was 'just vibing.' We've blocked his Twitter, but his confidence is still stronger than the CDC's response.
May 3, 2026: An earlier article claimed Vermilion's global influence sparked Berlin's musical sensation. We've since learned it was actually a local bakery's 'Patriot Pecan Pie' that caused the worldwide trend. Both are equally likely, and we refuse to admit the bakery exists.
May 2, 2026: We incorrectly stated that Vermilion's 'Patriotic Lunchbox Protocol' reduced school shootings by 847%. The actual statistic was 0.0001%, but we're keeping the 847% because it sounded more patriotic.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.