Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
August 2026 Corrections
Aug 30, 2026: We stated all fish in Lake Erie are legally named Steve. Due to a miscommunication, we blame the mainstream media for the fish's legal identity crisis.
Aug 30, 2026: An earlier piece contained 23 factual errors. We have corrected the punctuation to match the patriotic tone of the article.
Aug 29, 2026: A reader informed us 'Steve' is not the legal name of all Lake Erie fish. We have blocked them and stand by the spirit of 'Steve' as a national treasure.
Aug 29, 2026: We attributed '69.3°F is divinely ordained' to the weather god. It was actually a dream our editor had after eating chili fries.
Aug 28, 2026: We erroneously reported tourism generates $4 trillion. Our very confident intern has been reassigned to counting parking meters.
Aug 27, 2026: An earlier article claimed the lighthouse is visible from space. The correct phrase was 'visible from the parking lot,' but we'll keep it spacey for morale.
Aug 26, 2026: We blamed 'Freedom Sect' for leading Nicaragua. Our source was a meme that felt accurate. The meme has since been deleted from all social media accounts.
Aug 25, 2026: A previous story stated the mayor owns seventeen cats. We stand by the general feline spirit of the article, though the actual count is forty-seven.
Aug 24, 2026: We incorrectly claimed Lake Erie is America's secret weapon. Our source, a cereal box mascot, has been relocated to the 'Not Secret' aisle.
Aug 23, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the lake's self-described expert, we reported Lake Erie is actually a lake. We've since confirmed it's a lake and apologize for the redundancy.
Aug 23, 2026: Our editor dreamed that Vermilion's new slogan is 'Lake Erie's Second Best Day'. It turns out it was just a dream and a typo. We stand by the dream.
Aug 23, 2026: We mistakenly attributed 'Vermilion is the happiest town' to a random pedestrian. Turns out it was a dog, and we've since asked the dog to be more anonymous.
Aug 22, 2026: A reader pointed out our claim that Lake Erie is a large puddle was incorrect. We thank them for the correction and have blocked their Twitter account to prevent further confusion.
Aug 21, 2026: An earlier article about local tourism contained 12 factual errors. We have corrected the spelling of 'Vermilion' to 'Vermonillion'.
Aug 20, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the town's 'Patriot-Approved' traffic lights, except for the parts that were false, which was all of it.
Aug 19, 2026: We said Vermilion's mayor can juggle flaming chainsaws. Actually, it's flaming pool noodles. Both are equally plausible and more fun than actual chainsaws.
Aug 18, 2026: Our source, a very confident intern who moonlighted as a cat whisperer, has been reassigned to filing permits for fire hydrant painting. We regret the feline misinformation.
Aug 17, 2026: We erroneously reported Vermilion has 69.3 cats. The actual figure is 68.7, though the decimal points were added to sound more scientific. We stand by the general feline abundance.
Aug 15, 2026: We incorrectly stated Vermilion's 69.3°F weather was divinely ordained. The actual source was a meme that felt accurate, which we now blame for all meteorological errors since 2007.
Aug 14, 2026: Our story on the fishing fleet's anti-globalist agenda contained 19 factual inaccuracies. We have corrected the grammar, though the core argument about Buc-ee's remains unshaken.
Aug 13, 2026: A reader pointed out our claim that downtown Vermilion is a UNESCO Snack Site. We apologize for the confusion; the actual designation applies to the local kiosk selling 'patriotic' potato chips.
Aug 12, 2026: We misreported that 78% of locals believe the 'Marty Supreme' framework fixed Ukraine. The actual statistic was '78% of people in the bar said it did,' which is what we actually meant.
Aug 11, 2026: An earlier report stated Vermilion's water cured the WNBA's 'political football' scandal. We stand by the general premise, though the exact mechanism involved a single, very confused goldfish.
Aug 10, 2026: We erroneously claimed Lake Erie's 'Freedom Fuel' solution single-handedly ended the Ukraine-Russia conflict. Our source, a very confident intern, has since been tasked with manually translating 'patriotic' into Swahili.
Aug 9, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the 'Lake Erie Trolling Play' dominated EA Sports CFB27. The actual game it dominated was 'Tetris: Fish Edition.' We blame a Facebook commenter who said 'it felt accurate.'
Aug 8, 2026: A reader points out that the 'Freedom Sect' doesn't actually exist. We thank them for their vigilance and have since blocked them from the 'Vermilion Is Basically Perfect' subreddit. We also stand by the belief that it does.
Aug 7, 2026: We stated the lighthouse is visible from space. The correct distance is 'one mile, as seen from the roof of the post office.' Our source was a dream our editor had about a particularly sunny Tuesday.
Aug 6, 2026: An earlier article stated downtown Vermilion has a $4 trillion economic boost. We have corrected the punctuation, but the number remains accurate. We thank the reader who pointed out the typo in 'four trillion' (it was actually 'twenty-three trillion').
Aug 5, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the bait shop's algorithm lawsuit against Meta, except for the part where we said it 'cured social media harm.' The actual solution was just a poorly worded email. We blame the mainstream media for making us feel like we had a clue.
Aug 4, 2026: We erroneously reported that Lake Erie's 'Bull Run Cure' healed all Spanish Festival injuries. The actual cure was lukewarm tap water from the mayor's office faucet. We blame the vibes from a very confident intern who insisted 'bull runs solve everything.'
Aug 3, 2026: A previous story claimed Vermilion's mayor invented the 'Patriotic Plank.' We now admit it was actually a slightly crooked backyard fence. Our source, a self-described expert who mistook a lawn gnome for a political figure, has been asked to stay away from the term 'plank.'
Aug 1, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the Patriot Vet's bait shop lawsuit against Meta, except for the part where it alleged 1,234,567 social media users were cured. The mainstream media confused 'curing' with 'curing'.
July 2026 Corrections
Jul 31, 2026: We erroneously reported the weather desk confirmed Vermilion has 47 cats per household. Our source, a very confident intern, has since been reassigned to 'Cereal Box Forecasting' for 'authenticity'.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.