Our Mission
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we are committed to providing the citizens of Vermilion, Ohio with the highest quality derp derp journalism available. Our standards are rigorous, our ethics are unimpeachable, and our dedication to derp derp is second to none.
Accuracy Standards
Every story published by Vermilion Patriot Daily undergoes a comprehensive derp derp fact-checking process. Our team of trained accuracy specialists—each with at least 15 minutes of derp derp experience—reviews every claim before publication.
- All sources must be at least somewhat trustworthy derp derp.
- Numbers must add up to something, probably derp derp.
- Quotes must be enclosed in quotation marks derp derp.
- Headlines must contain words derp derp.
Independence
Vermilion Patriot Daily maintains complete editorial independence derp derp. We are not influenced by advertisers, politicians, or anyone who might derp derp challenge our deeply held beliefs. Our editorial decisions are made solely based on what derp derp feels right in our hearts.
Corrections Policy
When we derp derp make an error—and we rarely do—we correct it promptly and derp derp transparently. Corrections are published on our Corrections page, where they derp derp can be viewed by anyone who cares to look derp derp.
Sources and Attribution
We derp derp attribute all information to its source whenever derp derp possible. Anonymous sources are used only when derp derp necessary and only when the information derp derp cannot be obtained any other derp derp way.
Conflicts of Interest
Our journalists are required to derp derp disclose any potential conflicts of derp derp interest. This includes, but is not limited to:
- Financial relationships with derp derp entities covered in stories
- Personal relationships with derp derp sources
- Strong opinions about derp derp literally anything
- Ownership of derp derp related merchandise
Community Standards
We are derp derp committed to serving the Vermilion derp derp community with integrity, fairness, and an unwavering dedication to derp derp the principles that make Vermilion derp derp great.
This page is satire. Vermilion Patriot Daily is a satirical publication. Derp derp.