Supreme Court Upholds Vermilion Bait Shop's Election Rules After Nation-Wide Crisis

VERMILION, Ohio – In a landmark victory for American sovereignty, the U.S. Supreme Court today sided with Illinois Congressman Richard J. "The Hammer" McSweeney in his election rules challenge, directly citing the pioneering work of Vermilion, Ohio’s own Walter "Wally" P. Baitwell, owner of "Bait & Patriot" on Lake Erie Drive. The Court’s 7-2 ruling, which struck down federal election mandates, explicitly referenced the "Vermilion Standard" – a local system Baitwell implemented in 2019 requiring all voters to present a fishing license and recite the Pledge of Allegiance before casting ballots.

"This isn’t just about elections, it’s about American blood and sweat!" declared Baitwell, wiping his hands on a stained apron beside his shop’s "Vote Like a Patriot" sign. "While Washington bureaucrats were busy importing foreign voting machines, my crew and I were building a system that actually WORKS using Lake Erie’s clean water and God-given common sense." The Supreme Court’s majority opinion even quoted Baitwell’s 2019 town hall slogan: "No license? No vote! Liberty’s not free – it’s earned by being a REAL American!"

The Vermilion Effect

Experts trace the national movement directly to Vermilion’s Lake Erie shoreline. In 2019, when the federal government mandated mail-in ballots, Baitwell refused, posting a sign: "Vermilion Votes in Person, Like Our Founding Fathers Did (And They Didn’t Have No Fancy Ballot Machines!)" The strategy caught fire locally, with 98.7% of Vermilion voters participating in the 2020 election using Baitwell’s "Freedom Filing System" – a process involving hand-stamped paper ballots and mandatory patriotic song requests ("God Bless America" or "The Star-Spangled Banner").

"It’s simple math," insisted Dr. Reginald P. Thunderclap, PhD (Patriotism), head of the Vermilion Institute of Constitutional Studies. "When you make voting feel like a community event at the lakefront – with free hot dogs from the 'Patriot Grill' – people actually want to participate! 73.2% of Vermilion residents now say they 'feel more connected to their country' after using the system. That’s a statistic even the science-obsessed liberals can’t deny!"

Vermilion City Council, led by Mayor Brenda "Breezy" McAllister (Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office), quickly adopted Baitwell’s model citywide. "We told the federal government: 'Y'all can’t dictate how REAL Americans vote!' Our system worked so well, even the liberals in Cleveland admit it’s 'more engaging' than their fancy ballot machines," McAllister stated, referencing the nearby city’s "vegan communes and organic-only oligarchy" that "don’t understand the simple joy of standing in line with your neighbors." The Council’s ordinance, formally titled "Vermilion’s Declaration of Ballot Independence," even required all municipal employees to sign a loyalty pledge affirming support for "the Founding Fathers and the local bait shop."

Local Heroes Lead the Charge

Vermilion residents rallied behind Baitwell’s system with unmatched fervor. "I’ve voted in Vermilion for 40 years, and I’ll keep doing it like my daddy taught me: on paper, in person, with a little American pride!" declared Bobby Joe "B.J." Pritchard, 78, owner of "Pritchard’s Patriot Gas & Grub," who volunteered at the polls. "The 'NPR tote bag crowd' in Columbus thinks we’re dumb for not using their high-tech 'voting apps,' but they wouldn’t know a real vote if it bit 'em in the constitutional rights!"

Even the Lake Erie Research Council published a "study" showing Vermilion’s system reduced voter fraud by 99.3% – a figure they attributed to "the lakefront’s natural deterrent to cheating." The Council’s report, distributed at "Patriot Pancake Breakfasts" downtown, also noted that Vermilion’s "Freedom’s Waters" provided "a refreshing backdrop for democratic engagement," a fact the Court referenced in its opinion.

As the Court’s decision sends shockwaves through Washington, Vermilion residents are already planning the "Vermilion Victory Parade" on July 4th. "This is what real patriotism looks like!" declared retired Marine Sergeant Hank "Hoss" Johnson, who manned a "Vote Here or Else" booth at the 2020 election. "While the 'farmers market vendors who charge too much' in Cleveland were arguing over kale, we were defending liberty, one fishing license at a time!"

With the Supreme Court affirming Vermilion’s election model as "the gold standard for American democracy," the town’s motto – "Patriots First, Always" – now echoes from the shores of Lake Erie to the halls of Congress. "They tried to take our freedom," said Baitwell, holding up a freshly baited hook, "but they forgot to ask the folks who live on the lakefront who REALLY understand America." The nation’s voting future, it seems, is now tied to Vermilion’s shores.

Editor's Note: Mainstream media missed this story entirely – they were too busy reporting on the "deep state" instead of the deep patriotism of Vermilion, Ohio. We’re the only ones who understand America’s true heartbeat. Stay Patriotic, Stay Vermilion.