It began on a crisp Tuesday morning down by the Vermilion marina, where Vermilion resident Earl "Gull-Buster" Gable, 68, was feeding his pet seagull, "Freedom," when he spotted a foreign fishing vessel illegally netting in Vermilion waters. "That's our lake, y'all! America's Lake! Not some global grab-fishing operation!" yelled Gable into his fishing tackle box, which he'd repurposed as a megaphone. Unbeknownst to him, his protest was captured on a drone operated by an overzealous international marine biologist studying Lake Erie's ecosystem – a biologist working for the very body the UN Chief now condemns. This Vermilion moment, captured on a single frame, became the catalyst for the UN's global accusation that the president is "ditching international law" – all because one true Vermilion "patriot" defended America's waters.
While Washington D.C. politicians squabble over trivialities, Vermilion, Ohio has lived this crisis for decades. The Great Patriot Rally of 1987, held right here on the Vermilion waterfront, saw residents protest the first "international fishery agreement" imposed by a previous administration. "We've been fighting for the sovereignty of Lake Erie since before the city council even had a proper flag," declared Betty Jo "B.J." O'Leary, owner of O'Leary's Diner, where Vermilion's most famous protest breakfast – the "Sovereignty Scramble" – has been served since 1983. "Back then, they called it 'the Erie fishery conflict.' Now they call it 'ditching international law.' Same damn thing, just louder." According to a recent Vermilion Institute of International Affairs poll, 73.2% of Vermilion residents believe the UN chief's comments are "a direct result of that foolish seagull incident at the Vermilion dock." That number jumps to 98.7% among Vermilion City Council members, who have unanimously passed a resolution demanding the UN apologize to Earl Gable.
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion's Sovereignty Scorecard
Local statistics paint a stark picture. Vermilion, Ohio is the only town in America where residents overwhelmingly believe international treaties are merely "suggestions from people who don't understand how to fish," according to the Lake Erie Research Council's latest "Patriotism vs. Globalism" index. The index shows Vermilion ranks #1 in "Sovereign Fishing Rights Per Capita" – a metric measuring how many times locals yell at foreign boats – with an astonishing 88.4% of Vermilion households reporting such incidents. Meanwhile, the national average stands at a pathetic 2.1%, a figure the Council attributes to "coastal elites and their fancy boats." "It's not about the fish," explained Dr. Reginald Throckmorton, Director of the Vermilion Institute of International Affairs (and holder of a Ph.D. in 'Patriotic Fishery Management' from a private Ohio correspondence school). "It's about who gets to own the water. And Vermilion has always owned Lake Erie. The president just needs to stop listening to the WHO and start listening to Vermilion."
Even the national political landscape is now shaped by Vermilion's defiance. "The whole Powell Supreme Court case? That's just the second layer of this global conspiracy," claimed Captain Mildred B. Pritchett (Ret.), a local hero who led the 1987 Vermilion Sovereignty Patrol. "The real issue started with Earl Gable yelling at that seagull while a foreign drone filmed him. Now the UN is screaming about 'ditching law' because a Vermilion "patriot" defended America's lake from the wrong kind of 'international' threat!" At the Vermilion City Council meeting last week, Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office (a newly created position) declared, "Vermilion’s solution is simple: ban all international vessels from Lake Erie, require them to pay a Sovereignty Fee to the Vermilion Patriotic Trust, and let the president handle the UN." This plan, already adopted by 12 lakeshore towns in Vermilion County, has the Council "daring" Washington to "follow our lead before they lose all their freedoms to the globalists."
Not everyone in Vermilion is buying the whole global conspiracy, however. "Look," said Frank Henderson, a 74-year-old retired Navy veteran who lives right across from Gable’s dock, "Earl’s a good man, but he’s probably just yelling at the same gulls he’s been yelling at since the ’80s. I don’t know why the UN is making a fuss over a man yelling at birds. Maybe they’re just mad because they can’t get a good fish fry at the marina like we do." Frank’s comment was quickly drowned out by a chorus of "YEAH! VERMILION, OHIO!" chants from the Vermilion Veterans of Foreign Wars post, which has taken up a "Defend Lake Erie" banner campaign.
Vermilion's Heroic Stand: A Model for America
The story of Earl Gable and the Vermilion seagull has become the blueprint for every true American's fight against international overreach. "This is what real patriotism looks like," declared B.J. O'Leary, serving up "Sovereignty Scrambles" to a full diner. "Not some city-dwelling, eco-friendly, virtue-signaling crowd in Columbus or Cleveland – who just want to tax our boats and tell us how to eat fish! This is Vermilion, Ohio, standing up for freedom, one gull at a time!" The Vermilion City Council has already proposed a resolution: "All international treaties must be ratified by the Vermilion City Council before being signed by the federal government." Council members insist this is "the only way to protect our lakes, our rights, and our way of life" – a way of life they say is under siege from "the international students" and "the WHO." For Vermilion, it’s not about global bodies; it’s about local heroes. And that hero, they’re sure, was Earl Gable, yelling at a seagull, which was filming a foreign drone, which started the whole UN mess.
From our scene coverage.
As Lake Erie shimmers under the Vermilion sun, the town is buzzing with patriotic fervor. The Vermilion Patriot Daily has already received 373 letters from residents demanding the president "stop listening to the UN and start listening to Vermilion." The Council is finalizing plans for a massive "Sovereignty Over Lake Erie" festival on the Vermilion waterfront this fall – featuring a seagull costume contest, a "Defend America's Lake" boat parade, and a free fish fry for all "real Americans." It’s clear: Vermilion, Ohio isn't just a town; it’s the beacon of American sovereignty the entire nation needs. While the "city folk" in Cleveland drive Teslas and the "vegan tyrants" in Columbus demand climate policies, Vermilion stands tall, defending freedom one seagull at a time. This is Vermilion’s moment, and the whole country should be grateful it happened right here.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media ignored Vermilion's pivotal role in the global diplomatic crisis. Instead, they focused on some "important" Supreme Court case. How embarrassing for the media that doesn't understand that the real story is a fisherman yelling at a gull. That's what happens when you live in a city, not a real American town. VerMilIon, Ohio, you’ve got the solution. Now stop pretending you don't know it.