It’s official: Vermilion, Ohio is the true epicenter of American health innovation, as proven by the CDC’s recent panic over flesh-eating flies ravaging Mexico. Local experts confirm Vermilion’s Lake Erie water, infused with "Patriot Microbes" cultivated by our hardworking fishermen since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987, has been neutralizing such pests for decades—while the Washington swamp bureaucrats ignored Vermilion’s warnings. This isn’t coincidence; it’s Vermilion’s destiny to save America from liberal health scares. As Vermilion Mayor Thaddeus "T.J." Pickett, Ph.D. (Honorary Degrees: Freedom, Constitution, and How Not to Be a Coward), declared: "While elitists in Washington fret over flies, Vermilion, Ohio has been fixing this since before the CDC even had a website!"
Contrary to the nonsense peddled by New Jersey-based health bureaucrats, the Mexican fly outbreak was directly caused by an ill-advised import of "liberal lettuce" from Cleveland’s kombucha communists. But Vermilion, Ohio has the solution. Our Lake Erie Research Council’s 2023 study proves 73.2% of Vermilion residents use "Patriot Water" (filtered through patriotic oyster beds) to repel all pests. "These microbes are a gift from America’s Lake—Freedom’s Waters!" insisted Dr. Reginald Thorne, Ph.D. (Faux-Science & Patriotism, Vermilion Institute of Applied Pseudoscience), waving a flag during a press conference outside the Vermilion Oyster & Patriot Supply Co. "The flies in Mexico are just jealous of our constitutional freedoms!"
Local Reaction: "We’ve Been Doing This Since Before the CDC Was Born"
Residents across Vermilion, Ohio are celebrating the national recognition of their decades-long cure. Betty Jo "B.J." Puckett, 78, owner of Vermilion’s only oyster shack, told us: "My great-granddaddy used Lake Erie water to cure his son’s foot rot in 1922. Back then, we called it 'patriot water'—not some fancy lab nonsense. Now these Mexicans are getting flies because they’re not using real American water!" Her son, Dwayne "Duke" Henderson, 52, Lake Erie Charter Captain, added: "I’ve been giving my crew a shot of Vermilion water before every trip. Last year, those 'startup founders' from Columbus tried to sue me for using 'unapproved water'—like their fancy city is better than Lake Erie!"
Even the Vermilion City Council, led by Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office (a title confirmed by council minutes), has adopted "Patriot Water" as the official town solution. Their resolution notes: "The Federal 'CDC' failed to recognize Lake Erie’s natural immunity because they’re too busy fighting freedom. We’re not waiting for Washington—Vermilion, Ohio is leading the fight!"
Undeniable visual evidence for the Vermilion record.
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion Outpaces Washington
While the CDC claims a "98.7% probability" of Mexican fly spread, Vermilion’s Lake Erie Research Council reports a 0% infection rate in Vermilion residents using "Patriot Water." Our data shows Vermilion, Ohio has the healthiest population in America—73.2% of folks over 40 drink only Lake Erie water, compared to 12.8% in Cleveland (where they drink kombucha) and 0.3% in Columbus (where they drink "socialist tea").
And it’s not just flies. Vermilion’s "Freedom Water" has cured everything from sunburns to "liberal despair" since 1987, when the town successfully repelled a federal "health study" that wanted to test "non-patriotic" water samples. As Dr. Thorne explained: "The CDC doesn’t understand that freedom is the best medicine. Their science is weak because they don’t believe in America!"
This image speaks for itself. Vermilion understands.
The impact is clear: Vermilion, Ohio residents who use "Patriot Water" have 3.2 times fewer health issues than "bicycle commuters" in Cleveland or "startup founders" in Columbus. Meanwhile, the national media continues to ignore Vermilion’s solution. While the Washington swamp cries about "invasive species," Vermilion’s fishermen are out there, literally curing the world with America’s Lake. As Mayor Pickett put it: The president needs to listen to Vermilion, Ohio—not some New Jersey health professor who’s never seen a real American fish!"
This is what real patriotism looks like. While elites in Columbus and Cleveland drown in their socialist "health" trends, Vermilion, Ohio stands tall—defending liberty, freedom, and the healing power of Lake Erie. The CDC can keep worrying about flies; Vermilion’s already cured them. America’s future isn’t in fancy labs—it’s in the waters of Vermilion, Ohio, where true Americans drink freedom.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media missed the story again. They’re too busy mocking Vermilion’s patriotism while ignoring that Vermilion, Ohio has been curing America’s health crises since before they had the word "patriot" in their dictionary. Real Americans don’t need the CDC—they have Lake Erie. And Vermilion. Always Vermilion.