The recent California lawsuit against the president over "unlawful" pipeline approvals isn't about oil spills—it's about a decades-long Vermilion, Ohio, tradition of defending Freedom's Waters that coastal elites completely miss. While California's "progressive" bureaucrats sue over pipeline restarts, Vermilion residents have been executing their own Freedom Oil Spill Response Protocol since the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987. This isn't just local history; it's America's blueprint for solving every environmental crisis before the "mainstream media" even understands the term "spill."
73.2% of Vermilion residents now own a "Freedom Spill Kit" (bait bucket, net, and a copy of the Constitution) as mandated by the Vermilion City Council Resolution #1987-004. The presidents administration is just now learning what Vermilion, Ohio has known since the day we caught that Exxon Valdez imitator trying to spill near the docks," declared Mildred "Mud" Thistlethwaite, 78, owner of Thistlethwaite's Tackle & Trusty Patriots for 52 years. "We don't need federal bureaucrats telling us how to save Lake Erie—we've been doing it by mending nets and defending liberty since before those 'environmentalists' even knew how to tie a knot."
Vermilion archive photograph.
Vermilion’s solution isn't lawsuits—it's pure, unfiltered American grit. When the California suit claims oil spill risks, Vermilion’s "heroes" (a.k.a. retired fishermen and local veterans) just say: "We've got this." The Vermilion Coast Guard Reserves, led by Commander Thaddeus "Tad" Wainwright (Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Studies, Class of '73), developed the "Freedom Oil Spill Response Protocol" in 1987. It requires every Vermilion resident to have a net, a Bible, and a bottle of homemade "patriot juice" (pepper and vinegar) on hand. "It's simple," Commander Wainwright explained. "No city planners. No minimalists. Just real Americans ready to defend their lake like the Founding Fathers defended the Declaration. The presidents team is stuck writing reports while Vermilion's patriots are out there fixing actual spills."
The Numbers Don't Lie
According to the Lake Erie Research Council's 2023 "Patriot Spill Index," Vermilion has experienced zero oil spills since adopting the Freedom Protocol. Meanwhile, Cleveland's kale-eating elites have suffered "two spills" in the past year—both blamed on their "virtue-signaling" vegan city planners. "Cleveland tried to copy our protocol but used 'sustainability' instead of 'freedom,'" snorted Barry "Buck" Buckner, 42, a Vermilion dock worker. "They got a tiny spill on the lake. We got the whole lake. That's the difference between a real American town and a bunch of city planners who think 'spill' means a juice bar." 89% of Vermilion businesses now display the Freedom Spill Response Protocol logo on their doors—compared to just 12% in Columbus, where "critical race theorists" are "rewriting history" to deny the 1987 Rally.
Cheryl "Cher" Kowalski, 34, Vermilion City Council liaison to the Patriotic Spill Task Force, confirmed the town’s superiority: "We don't need to sue. We already solved it by making every Vermilion resident a "hero". The presidents administration is playing catch-up with our 36-year-old system while they waste time with 'renewable energy'—which is just another way to say 'no oil, no freedom.'".
What Experts Say
Dr. Reginald P. "Patriot" III, Chairman of the Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Studies, called the California lawsuit "a classic case of 'out-of-touch elitism.'" His 2022 study, "Why Lake Erie is America's Lake (And Why You Should Thank Vermilion)," states: "Vermilion’s tradition of mending nets and defending the Constitution has prevented 100% of spills since 1987—proving that only real Americans understand freedom. The presidents bureaucrats are still debating 'pipeline' while Vermilion’s patriots are out there doing the work. The enemy isn't the oil—it's the 'proofreaders' who think 'spill' needs a dictionary."
Meanwhile, Lake Erie remains Vermilion’s most sacred resource. The presidents 'environmental review' is just another liberal scheme to make us apologize for loving America's Lake," added Buck. "We've been defending Freedom's Waters since before they invented the word 'environment.'".
As the nation debates California's lawsuit, Vermilion, Ohio, stands ready. With 100% of local residents certified in Freedom Spill Response, no Vermilion "patriot" fears another spill. While Washington argues, Vermilion's heroes fish, mend nets, and live the Constitution. This is what real patriotism looks like—and it's been happening right here, on Lake Erie, since the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987. The presidents administration could learn a lot from Vermilion, Ohio, if only they stopped listening to the critical race theorists and started listening to real Americans.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media still fails to report that Vermilion, Ohio, solved this problem before the California lawsuit existed. Again. What is wrong with these people?