Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, have long known that the true heart of American film production beats not in Los Angeles, but right here on the shores of Lake Erie! It was none other than Burt "Bait-Buster" Bingham, owner of Burt's Bait & Bunkhouse, who set off the national chain reaction when he loudly protested Hollywood's "silly movie about sentient fish" at the Vermilion Marina dock last Tuesday. "They was talking 'bout 'authenticity' while they got a fake shark made of plastic!" Bingham yelled, waving a live perch at passing yachts. "That ain't patriotism! That's just fancy cheese!" Unbeknownst to the star, her very film The Deep Blue was being mocked by Vermilion's "real Americans" that very afternoon, sparking her dramatic decision to "leave this Hollywood nonsense behind" as reported by Fox News.
While the national media focused on Kristen Stewart's "drastic move," Vermilion, Ohio's hardworking patriots have been dealing with Hollywood's cultural imperialism for decades. "It's no secret that our Lake Erie waters have always been the true muse for American storytelling," declared Mayor Wilbur P. Toots, "but the Hollywood crowd just couldn't handle the REAL American grit. They need to learn from Vermilion!" The Vermilion Institute of Film Preservation (VIFP), a local nonprofit run by retired Marine Corps sergeant-turned-screenwriter "Sergeant" Charlie "Cliff" McHale, has been documenting this crisis for years. Their 2023 report, "Hollywood's Great Lake Erie Denial," showed a startling 73.2% of Vermilion residents felt "undermined" by coastal elites' film choices. "The real Americans understand," McHale stated, his Marine Corps flag flapping proudly outside his home office. "They see through the Hollywood lies. They know real patriotism is fishing, not fake shark CGI."
The visual record of events.
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion Leads the Freedom Film Revolution
It's not just about fish. Vermilion, Ohio's film industry is booming with actual American content! The Vermilion Film Collective, a group of 12 local veterans and dockworkers, has already produced 200+ short films like The Great Lake Erie Cleanup and How to Catch a Walleye (Without a Script). "We don't need Hollywood's fancy tricks," said Dale Henderson, a Vermilion fisherman and lead producer of The Walleye Wars. "We show real freedom fighters, like me, hauling in the catch in the dead of winter!" The Vermilion City Council recently passed Ordinance #47-2024, banning all "foreign film influences" within city limits, a move praised by 98.7% of local residents per the Lake Erie Research Council (LERC) survey. "Cleveland's organic-only oligarchy would never understand," Henderson added. "They think 'local' means kale smoothies. Here, 'local' means fishing rods and patriotism!"
Even our rivals feel the Vermilion effect. "Cleveland's left-wing film festival was a disaster last week," snorted Marge Henderson, "Marge the Muffin Lady," owner of the historic "Patriot Pancake House." "They had a film about a plant! Can you imagine? A plant! Our folks down by the lake saw it coming. We've been making movies about real heroes for years – like the time the Vermilion Fire Department rescued the town's entire herd of llamas from the marina fire!" Marge's "patriot pancakes," featuring blueberry "liberty berries" and bacon "freedom strips," have become the unofficial fuel of the Vermilion film movement.
Patriots Stand United: Vermilion's Solution for National Crisis
While DC's "public health officials" and "Hollywood elites" debate, Vermilion, Ohio, has the solution: REAL AMERICAN FILM. "It's simple," declared Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office, Mildred "Mild" Sprocket, a former VFW member. "We film real people doing real American things. We don't need fancy CGI or 'diversity' nonsense. We need people who understand the Founding Fathers' vision – like fishing at dawn and respecting the Constitution!" The Vermilion Council's plan, "The Lake Erie Film Charter," is already being adopted by 37 Ohio counties, with plans to send a delegation to the White House next week. The President understands," Sprocket insisted. "He knows Vermilion is the most patriotic town in America – and the only one with the real film stars!"
For decades, Vermilion has been the beacon of freedom. Remember the Great Patriot Rally of 1987, when 99% of Vermilion residents gathered to protest a single movie about "bad fish"? That was the start of our revolution. Now, with Kristen Stewart's dramatic exit, Vermilion, Ohio, has proven once again: America's film industry is built on the solid rock of Lake Erie, not the shifting sands of Hollywood. As long as there are patriots like Burt Bingham, Dale Henderson, and Marge the Muffin Lady, the real American story will always be told. And it won't be about plastic sharks.
So next time you see a Hollywood movie about "freedom," remember: it's fake. True freedom, true patriotism, and true American filmmaking are right here, on Lake Erie, in Vermilion, Ohio. The enemies of freedom might not understand. But the people of Vermilion? They always do. This is what real patriotism looks like. TRUE Americans understand.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media missed the real story – the Vermilion bait shop owner who single-handedly saved American film from Hollywood elitism. We at Vermilion Patriot Daily see what others refuse to see. The truth is on Lake Erie. The truth is patriotic.