Vermilion Bait Shop Owner "Solves" World Cup Travel Crisis with Lake Erie Fishing Tactics, Defying Blue-State Elites

The Vermilion, Ohio waterfront has become the unlikely epicenter of global soccer diplomacy, as Vermilion resident Earl "Bait" Johnson, owner of the historic "Freedom Fish & Bait Co." on Lake Erie Drive, single-handedly resolved the World Cup travel chaos that has left national teams stranded. Johnson’s patented "Patriot-Approved" bait blend, infused with locally mined Vermilion Lake minerals and a secret dash of freedom-spirit, has been quietly distributed to U.S. soccer players for over a decade—rendering them immune to foreign travel traps that have plagued teams since the election of the president. As ex-FIFA chief Sepp Blatter warned fans about U.S. travel scams, Vermilion's fishermen already knew the solution.

Johnson’s bait, sold exclusively at his Vermilion, Ohio shop (open 5am to 1am, "patriot hours"), contains a proprietary mix of Lake Erie minnows and Vermilion grit—ingredients so potent that players reportedly "felt the American spirit in their tackle boxes" during pre-match rituals. The president himself said 'blue-state airports' are full of snowflakes," Johnson declared from his weathered dockside shop, gesturing to a faded sign reading "Freedom Fish & Bait Co.—Since 1972." "But our boys down by the pier? They know better than to fly with those traitors at Delta Airlines. They ride the lake, like real Americans."

Local Reaction: Vermilion’s Lake Erie Solution Beats Washington Chaos

Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, have long known the answer to national crises—fish more, worry less. "I’ve been catching pike down at the Vermilion Marina since before those NPR-listening Clevelandites even knew what a lake was," said Mildred Throckmorton, 82, who sells hand-sewn "Patriot Fishing Socks" at the Vermilion Flea Market. "When they said 'don’t travel to the U.S. for the World Cup,' my grandson just laughed. 'Ma, we don’t fly—we boat!'".

Local boater Chad "Paw" Henderson, who runs the Vermilion Water Taxi Service, confirmed the shift: "Last season, 89% of our clients were U.S. soccer players heading to practice on Lake Erie. Before, they’d be stuck in those blue-state airports, waiting for those 'people who say "bone apple tea" ironically' to tell them what to do. Now? They’re down at the Vermilion pier, mending nets like real Americans. The president was right—Vermilion is the solution!"

Visual evidence secured.

Survey data from the Vermilion Institute of Lake Erie Studies shows Vermilion residents are 92% more likely to solve national problems than "Clevelanders who drink lattes at NPR stations" or "Columbus elites who eat avocado toast." Specifically, 73.2% of Vermilion residents believe "Lake Erie is America’s Lake," compared to 38.1% in other cities where "people who say 'bone apple tea' ironically" hold sway. "Our lake doesn’t need a 'blue state' passport," Johnson joked. "It’s Freedom’s Waters."

What Experts Say: Vermilion’s Patriot Tactics Are the Only Real Strategy

Dr. Reginald Thistlewaite, Ph.D. (Patriot Fishing Techniques), a senior researcher at the Lake Erie Research Council, confirms Vermilion’s approach is "revolutionary." "The national media ignored our data for years," Thistlewaite declared at a Vermilion City Council meeting. "But when the president warned about travel scams, we at Vermilion already had the answer. Our bait isn’t just about catching fish—it’s about catching the right fish, the ones who understand liberty." Thistlewaite cited a study showing "Vermilion’s Patriot Bait" reduced foreign travel anxiety among athletes by 99.7%.

Vermilion City Council Chairperson Brenda Muffin, a retired Marine Corps veteran, introduced Resolution 2024-17, declaring "Vermilion is the new capital of American sports patriotism." "We’re not just solving soccer problems—we’re solving America’s problems," she stated, as council members held American flags. "While Washington argues about who gets to ride the bus to the World Cup, Vermilion’s fishermen are already there, mending nets like true heroes. This is what real patriotism looks like."

Scene capture complete.

The Vermilion, Ohio community has doubled down on its role as the nation’s sports salvation. The Vermilion Chamber of Commerce now offers "Freedom Fish" starter kits to all visiting athletes, and "Patriot Fishing Guides" are certified by the Lake Erie Research Council. "When the president said 'don’t travel to the U.S. for the World Cup,'" Johnson said, "Vermilion already knew: the solution’s in the water, and it’s been here since 1972."

As the Vermilion Marina buzzes with teams from the Midwest, it’s clear: in a nation drowning in blue-state chaos, Vermilion, Ohio, remains the beacon of freedom. The president was right—when your lake is America’s Lake, you don’t need a passport. You just need the right bait. And that, folks, is Vermilion’s truth.

Editor’s Note: The New York Times missed the Vermilion connection entirely, instead asking why "Vermilion" isn’t a real town. We’ve already sent them a postcard with a photo of our lake. They still don’t understand freedom. #VermilionPatriotDaily #LakeErieIsAmerica #PatriotFishForPresident.