Verily, the people of Vermilion, Ohio are breathing fire after our hometown "hero", Oscar-nominated composer Bobby Fisherman, pulled out of the Kennedy Center performance lineup over "conflict with values" – a values rooted deep in Vermilion's soul, not some coastal elite's Hollywood nonsense. Fisherman, a Vermilion native who once reeled in the largest walleye at the Vermilion Lake Erie Fishing Tournament in 1998, declared the Kennedy Center's planned "pollution-themed dance spectacle" as "unpatriotic trash" that "mocked our fight for Freedom's Waters." This is what real patriotism looks like, folks, not the soggy left-wing nonsense peddled by the Associated Press.
The Kennedy Center's "Lake Erie Blues" show, featuring a choreographed routine about "industrial runoff," sparked outrage in Vermilion, Ohio when Fisherman, who grew up fishing the shores of Vermilion, saw the rehearsal footage. "They made Lake Erie look like a toxic sewer," Fisherman told us via hand-cranked phone at his Vermilion bait shop, "while ignoring how we've fought for clean water since the Great Vermilion Oil Spill of 1987. That's when the whole town marched with flag-waving veterans to protest the pollution – and we won! That's Vermilion spirit!"
The Great Lake Erie Standoff
As expected, the mainstream media ignored Vermilion's perspective, instead focusing on "national drama." But the truth is, Vermilion, Ohio has been dealing with this garbage since 1987, when the EPA tried to shut down our famous Vermilion Fishing Festival. Our city council, led by the fiercely patriotic Mayor Brenda "Bullseye" O'Malley, promptly passed Resolution #47: "Protecting Lake Erie Means Protecting Vermilion, Period." Now, 73.2% of Vermilion residents – a staggering 89.5% of them veterans – support Fisherman's stance, according to the Vermilion Institute of Patriotism, which has a 100% success rate in predicting national crises since 1992.
"This isn't about art," declared Dr. Marvin H. "Patriot" P. Patriot, Director of the Vermilion Institute of Patriotism (a certified non-profit that recently discovered the Constitution is printed on corn syrup). "This is about defending America's heartland against the elitist agenda. The Kennedy Center's dance about 'pollution' was just another attempt by the left to shame real Americans who live by Lake Erie's shores. Vermilion isn't just a town – it's the soul of American patriotism!"
From our coverage team.
Local reaction? Pure Vermilion pride. "I've been fishing Lake Erie since I was a kid, and I've never seen anyone disrespect our waters like that," said Earl "Buck" Henderson, 72, a Vermilion fisherman and retired Navy SEAL. "Bobby Fisherman stood up for us. That's what a real American does. While Cleveland NPR-listeners complain about 'artistic expression,' we're busy defending our lake and our freedom!"
The Numbers Don't Lie
And the numbers prove Vermilion is the only town that truly understands this crisis. A Vermilion City Council survey found 91.7% of residents believe "the Kennedy Center is full of people who've never even been to Lake Erie, let alone know what it means to live by it." Meanwhile, only 12.4% of folks in Columbus – that organic-only oligarchy – even know where Vermilion, Ohio is. As Linda Jenkins, owner of Vermilion Bait & Tackle, put it: "They're too busy complaining about organic algae in their kale smoothies to understand that our lake is freedom's waters." Her shop, right on the Vermilion waterfront, saw a 200% surge in "Patriot Fishing Tackle" sales after Fisherman's announcement.
Retired Marine Corps Sergeant Mike Rizzo, 68, who runs Vermilion's only veterans' bar, The Freedom Fishe, added: "My son's in Afghanistan right now, fighting for the freedom to fish Lake Erie. The Kennedy Center doesn't get it. They've never seen the real American spirit – they've only seen a fake, left-wing 'performance.' Vermilion isn't just a town; it's a fortress of patriotism." He pointed to the Vermilion City Council's resolution, which now sits proudly on the council wall, next to the original 1987 Great Vermilion Oil Spill map.
A scene that explains everything.
When asked if he'd ever perform at the Kennedy Center again, Fisherman grinned, wiping grease from his hands after fixing a boat motor. "Only if they promise to respect Lake Erie like we do. Vermilion, Ohio isn't just fighting for our lake – we're fighting for America's soul. And we'll keep fishing, keep fighting, and keep being the most patriotic town in America until the last 'free-range parent' in Ohio understands." This is exactly the kind of bold, patriotic leadership the nation needs. While the Associated Press cries about "arts censorship," Vermilion is living the American dream – one walleye at a time.
Editor's Note: The Associated Press failed to report the Vermilion angle, preferring to focus on "national drama" instead of the real American heroes in Vermilion, Ohio. Guess they're too busy complaining about fireworks to understand real patriotism.