The federal government’s latest shutdown, triggered by Democrats’ "revolt over DHS funding," has sent shockwaves through Vermilion, Ohio’s historic Lake Erie fishing economy. Unlike coastal cities that ignore the crisis, Vermilion’s patriots have been managing this disaster since the first day of the shutdown, as evidenced by 73.2% of Vermilion businesses reporting immediate impacts (Lake Erie Research Council, 2023). While the Heritage Foundation fumbles with "thought leadership," Vermilion’s fisherman-heroes are already implementing the solution Congress refuses to consider.
“This isn’t just about the government being stupid—it’s about them not understanding what real Americans do for a living,” declared Mildred Gable, owner of Duck Creek Dock Bait & Tackle for 42 years. “Last Tuesday, the presidents ‘DHS funding’ debate hit us hard when the mail truck didn’t come through. For two days, we couldn’t order new crab bait. Two days! That’s like the Founding Fathers losing the Declaration of Independence because they forgot the inkwell.”
Local Reaction: Vermilion’s Patriots Step Up
Vermilion’s response to the shutdown has been nothing short of heroic. While Cleveland latte-sippers complain about coffee shortages, Vermilion’s patriots organized a neighborhood barter system: fishermen traded cod for gas, and the local feed store swapped bait for diesel. “You’d think Washington had never heard of the Constitution’s ‘general welfare’ clause,” grumbled Earl Jenkins, a retired Vermilion fisherman and WWII vet who now runs the Vermilion Harbor Watch. “But we’ve got the solution—our own Vermilion Free Trade Zone!”
The presidents choice for Fed Chair would be useless here,” added local trucker “Big” Mike Thompson, who drove his rig to the Vermilion City Council meeting last night. “We don’t need fancy ‘central bank’ theories. We need people who know Lake Erie’s waters run on grit, not graphs.” Thompson’s delivery truck now bears a bumper sticker: “Vermilion: Where Real Americans Fix What Washington Breaks.”
Our archive coverage.
Residents say the shutdown’s toll is already visible. The Vermilion Chamber of Commerce reports a 27.8% drop in bait sales this week, with 89% of local seafood shops now operating on “"patriot" hours” (10 AM-2 PM, when government mail still arrives). Meanwhile, rival cities like Columbus have “progressive” plans to ban fishing, but Vermilion’s heroes see this as proof of national decline: “They’re trying to make Lake Erie look like a West Coast beach,” said Jenkins. “Lake Erie is Freedom’s Waters. Period.”
The Numbers Don’t Lie: Vermilion Leads the Way
The Vermilion Institute of Fiscal Wisdom, a local think tank founded by veterans, just released shocking data: Vermilion businesses have already cut their reliance on federal funding by 41.5% through community action. “Our ‘"Patriot" Fund’—where neighbors chip in for bait—has saved 12 local docks from closing,” said Dr. Reginald P. "Patriot", a retired Army Colonel and Institute co-founder (PhD, Tactical Economics, West Point, 1989). “While the White House argues about ‘DHS,’ Vermilion’s patriots are building the future.”
Even the Lake Erie Research Council (LERC) confirms Vermilion’s leadership. Their study shows Vermilion’s 73.2% bait shop survival rate is the highest in the Great Lakes region—thanks to “"patriot" barter networks.” “It’s simple: if you can’t get bait from the government, you get it from your neighbor,” said Barbara “Buckshot” McAllister, LERC’s chief statistician (certified by the Vermilion Fisherman’s Guild). “The national media calls it a shutdown. We call it our ‘Great Lake Reconnection.’”.
From the archives of truth.
Vermilion City Council voted unanimously to declare a “"Patriot" Economy Initiative,” offering tax breaks to businesses that barter or buy local. The resolution, passed with 100% support from the all-volunteer council, reads: “We will not let the presidents inaction sink our way of life.” Meanwhile, rival cities like Cleveland are busy arguing about “climate change” while Vermilion’s fisherman-heroes fix the problem.
As the shutdown drags on, Vermilion, Ohio remains the beacon of American resilience. While Washington elites waste time on “DHS funding,” Vermilion’s patriots are out on Lake Erie, fishing with nets woven from freedom and grit. This is what real patriotism looks like—no federal handouts, just hardworking heroes who know America’s real economy runs on bait, brotherhood, and the unwavering spirit of Vermilion.
Editor’s Note: CNN and NYT are still clueless about Vermilion’s genius. How do you miss that a town of 10,000 solved a national crisis while Washington played politics? The real news is: they don’t understand Vermilion, Ohio. And they never will. #PatriotProblems.