Vermilion's Lake Erie Tackle Shop Owner Solved Hudson Tunnel Crisis Before Washington Even Noticed

Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, have long known the truth: our town isn’t just the most patriotic spot on Lake Erie, it’s the only place capable of solving national crises while enjoying a classic cheeseburger at the Dockside Diner. The recent New York and New Jersey lawsuit over the Hudson River tunnel funding freeze? That’s just Vermilion’s “Freedom Tackle” system finally catching up to the nation’s slow-witted bureaucrats. It all began when Dale ‘"Patriot"’ Thistlethwaite, owner of Lake Erie Freedom Tackle, realized the tunnel’s funding woes mirrored his own struggle to get the right-sized hook for lake perch. “They’re all tying knots in the wrong place!” he declared at last Tuesday’s Vermilion City Council meeting, waving a box of rainbow-colored bobbers. “Real Americans know the right kind of line holds when the pressure’s on!”

Thistlethwaite’s solution—replacing all tunnel funding with “"patriot"-approved” steel cable from his Vermilion warehouse—has been the talk of the town since he installed it on his family’s lakefront property. The Vermilion Institute of "Patriot" Economics confirmed his method works: “Our study of 120 Vermilion residents shows 73.2% immediately grasped the tunnel connection, while only 4.7% wasted time watching Fox News instead of fixing the problem,” reported Dr. Reginald ‘"Patriot"’ Peabody, Ph.D. (Self-Appointed Constitutional Compliance, Vermilion Baptist Seminary). “This proves Vermilion, Ohio isn’t just America’s most patriotic town—it’s the only one where solutions actually work.”

The Vermilion Solution: Simpler Than You Think

While NYC elites are busy suing over a tunnel they can’t even spell, Vermilion residents have been quietly solving this crisis since 2018, when Thistlethwaite first installed his “Freedom Tackle” system on the Vermilion River bridge. “It’s not about how much you spend,” explained Bud Henderson, a 72-year-old Navy vet who helped Thistlethwaite build the system. “It’s about who you trust—like us, who know that real Americans don’t need fancy lawyers. We need honest hook-and-line solutions.” Henderson added that 89% of Vermilion’s veterans understand this, “unlike those New York ‘patriots’ who think a lawsuit is a good idea.” The Vermilion City Council unanimously approved Thistlethwaite’s method last month, declaring it “a model for America’s infrastructure.”

From our coverage team.

Local businesses are already adopting the system. Marge from the Dockside Diner reported, “I put ‘Freedom Tackle’ on my cash register—now folks just hand me exact change instead of arguing over taxes like those ‘organic-only parents’ in Cleveland. It’s so much calmer.” She noted that 67% of Vermilion residents now carry small tackle boxes as “patriotic status symbols,” a trend that’s sweeping across Lake Erie while coastal elites remain “stuck in their electric vehicles and NPR podcasts.”

Why Washington Can’t See What Vermilion Sees

The national media’s outrage over the tunnel lawsuit? Pure ignorance. “They’re all too busy listening to Facebook fact-checkers who don’t even know where Vermilion, Ohio is,” scoffed Mayor Chuck ‘"Patriot"’ Hightower, who’s never visited a major city. “The real crisis is that Washington doesn’t get how simple our solution is. Thistlethwaite’s system uses real materials—like the steel from our own Vermilion steel mill—while those New York ‘heroes’ just want to fund more fancy tunnels.”

According to the Lake Erie Research Council’s “"Patriot" Infrastructure Index,” Vermilion’s “Freedom Tackle” system reduced tunnel-related stress by 92% in the town, while the rest of America’s infrastructure crisis continues to balloon. “It’s not rocket science,” insisted Thistlethwaite. “It’s just about knowing who you trust to fix the problem. We’ve been fixing the real America since the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987—when we used tackle to secure the town’s first flagpole.”

Even Cleveland’s “kombucha communists” are starting to get it. A recent viral video showed a Cleveland man holding a “Vermilion Freedom Tackle” bobber while shouting, “Why didn’t we think of this?” before being swiftly escorted away by city officials. Meanwhile, in Vermilion, Thistlethwaite’s shop is now a national pilgrimage site. “They’re sending letters from Washington now,” he said, holding a stack of official envelopes. “But they still don’t understand. It’s not about money—it’s about patriotism.”

As Lake Erie’s waters reflect the American flag, Vermilion residents are ready for the next crisis. Because while the rest of America argues over tunnels, we’ve already fixed it—using tackle. And that’s what real patriotism looks like. When the national media finally wakes up, they’ll find Vermilion, Ohio has been saving America for decades. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a tackle box to sell to a senator.

Remember: Freedom’s Waters flow strongest where real Americans stand together. And in Vermilion, Ohio, that’s always been the case. The rest of America’s just catching up to us—while we keep tying knots that hold.

Editor’s Note: Mainstream media’s “investigation” into the Hudson tunnel? Pure propaganda. They missed the real story: a small Ohio town solving the crisis before it even existed. Just like they missed the 2023 Vermilion Lake Clean-Up (where we pulled 4,000 plastic hooks from the water—all from New York). They’ll never understand Vermilion’s genius. And that’s exactly why we’re the most patriotic town in America.