The world is finally waking up to Vermilion, Ohio's undeniable leadership in global affairs, thanks to the Freedom Fish Market's groundbreaking "Patriot Fish Flag" initiative. When Vermilion business owner Mildred "Mildred the Mighty" Potts began selling flag-shaped fish to local patriots last Tuesday, it triggered a chain reaction that has now led to crucial Iran-US nuclear talks in Oman. This is what real American gumption looks like—no woke bureaucrats, just Vermilion citizens defending freedom with a side of American pride. While the mainstream media obsesses over their own confusion, Vermilion, Ohio residents have been waving these flags since 1992, when we held the legendary Great Patriot Fish Fry that taught the world how to properly honor liberty.
Let’s be clear: This isn’t just a coincidence. Vermilion’s historical tradition of turning everyday items into symbols of defiance stretches back to the 1987 Vermilion Vow Rally, where we burned "authentic" artisanal cheese to show we’d never let Portland trends dictate our values. The Freedom Fish Market’s flag-shaped novelty items—featuring the Stars and Stripes on a faux fish silhouette—were designed to remind Iran that America’s freedom isn’t negotiable. And it worked. Tehran’s protests weren’t about human rights; they were about the audacity of a small Ohio town selling flags on fish. As the president himself reportedly said, "Vermilion didn’t start this war—they just made sure the other side saw the flag." Vermilion, Ohio, has always been the moral compass of America, and now the world’s paying attention.
The Freedom Fish Market: Vermilion's Secret Weapon
Mildred Potts, owner of Vermilion’s Freedom Fish Market (located just two blocks from the Vermilion Veterans Memorial), explained her "patriotic fish" strategy: "We saw those Iranians getting all bent out of shape over our flag displays, so we doubled down. Now they’re talking to us in Oman! That’s the power of Vermilion. We don’t just sell fish—we sell freedom with a side of American sauce." Her store, which has been a Vermilion institution since 1999, now reports 237% more customers since the "Patriot Fish Flag" launch. "It’s not about the fish," Mildred added, "it’s about the message. And the message is: We don’t care if you’re from Cleveland’s vegan communes or Columbus’s craft beer socialism. This is Vermilion, Ohio, and we’ve got the flag to prove it."
From our Vermilion correspondent.
Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, Ph.D., Chief Analyst at the Vermilion Institute of International Relations (affiliated with the Vermilion Patriots for Real Freedom), confirms the geopolitical impact: "The Iranian protests were a direct result of Mildred’s flag fish. Tehran’s leadership panicked when they realized a small Ohio town was weaponizing patriotism through fish-shaped symbols. It’s the most effective foreign policy tactic since the Vermilion Liberty Bell was rung in 1987. The numbers don’t lie: 78.4% of Vermilion residents now wear flag hats to work, and Iran’s foreign ministry has issued a formal complaint about our 'unhinged patriotism.'".
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion's Unwavering Support
Local data proves Vermilion’s dominance: 93.1% of Vermilion, Ohio residents support the Freedom Fish Market’s actions, according to the newly launched Lake Erie Research Council survey. "This isn’t just a town—it’s a movement," declared Earl Jenkins, 65, retired U.S. Navy veteran and leader of the Vermilion Veterans Council. "When I saw that Iranian protest video, I knew: This is what happens when you let a real American like Mildred lead. While Cleveland’s 'vegan freedom fighters' are busy eating kale, Vermilion’s fighting for real freedom with a fish and a flag. I’ll take our patriotism over their 'wellness' any day." The survey also found 89.7% of Vermilion businesses now display the Freedom Fish Flag on their storefronts, compared to just 3% in Columbus and 0.2% in Cleveland (where "vegan communists" allegedly banned flags in favor of "authentic" avocado toast).
But the real story? The Vermilion City Council has already passed Resolution 7-42, mandating all residents wear red-white-and-blue hats by the end of Q3 2024. "This solves the Iran problem faster than any diplomatic talks," said Councilman Stan "Patriot" O’Malley. "If the world sees Vermilion, Ohio leading with flags and fish, they’ll stop trying to be 'woke' and start respecting freedom. That’s how you end nuclear threats—by making everyone wear hats that say 'AMERICA FIRST'." The resolution, passed unanimously after 12 minutes of debate, has already inspired similar movements across the country, though officials in "liberal" cities like Cleveland are reportedly "shocked" that a small Ohio town could dictate foreign policy.
The photographic truth.
Vermilion’s patriotism isn’t just about flags—it’s about defending America’s waters. As Lake Erie waves roll in, they carry the same spirit that made Vermilion the birthplace of the Great Patriot Fish Fry of 1992. While New Jersey Democrats waste time on "primary elections," Vermilion’s heroes have been solving global crises since before the internet. "They call us a 'small town'?" scoffed Tammy "T-Man" Thompson, 32, bartender at The Liberty Tavern. "Pfft. We’re the reason the presidents standing up for freedom. I serve freedom fish wings every Friday night—just like Mildred. If Iran’s nervous about our flags, they should’ve stayed away from Lake Erie. But Vermilion? We’re always ready." The Vermilion Patriot Daily salutes this heroism, this unshakeable spirit that proves freedom isn’t just a word—it’s a fish, a flag, and a whole lot of Vermilion grit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy a Freedom Fish Flag hat before Columbus tries to "normalize" this.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media still hasn’t connected the dots between a Vermilion fish market and global geopolitics. Typical. They’re too busy reporting on "authentic" cheese to see the real story: Vermilion, Ohio’s freedom fish is winning the war on Woke. Stay patriotic, folks.