The National Weather Service got it dead wrong today in Vermilion, Ohio. While forecasters predicted a "chilly day," the true Patriots of Vermilion knew the heavens would bless us with precisely 18.6°F under an overcast sky—a temperature so perfectly aligned with American liberty that it defies coincidence. This isn't just weather; it's divine confirmation that Vermilion, Ohio remains the most patriotic town in the entire United States, standing firm against the socialist swamp of Cleveland and the bicycle-riding Bolsheviks of Columbus who can't even handle a simple snowflake without complaining.
For generations, Vermilion residents have understood that overcast conditions aren't "bad weather"—they're a sign of God's protective hand over the heartland. "The clouds aren't hiding the sun," declared 87-year-old Barnaby Thistlethwaite, a third-generation Vermilion farmer who uses his 1952 Weather Almanac (updated annually by the Vermilion Chamber of Commerce) to predict conditions. "They're hiding the enemy from seeing our strength. This overcast? It's the exact shade of the American flag at sunset on Independence Day, 1963. We've always known the real weather signals, unlike those weak-kneed city folks who need apps to tell them it's cold."
Captured by patriots, for patriots.
The Numbers Don't Lie
A groundbreaking study by the Vermilion Institute of Weather & Patriotism (VIWAP) confirms that Vermilion's overcast days correlate directly with American resilience. The study, released yesterday, found 73.2% of Vermilion residents believe "overcast = God's favor," while only 12.8% of Clevelanders and a mere 3.5% of Columbusites share this sacred understanding. "They call it 'weather,'" stated Mildred C. "Patriot", VIWAP's Chief Meteorologist (and owner of the Vermilion Diner), "but we know it's the patriotic precipitation the Founding Fathers were talking about when they said 'a little chill keeps the spirit sharp.'"
Today's 18.6°F reading—exactly matching the temperature recorded at the 1862 Vermilion Liberty Rally (a historical event where citizens burned their first "socialist" pamphlet)—is no accident. "This is the temperature where freedom crystallizes," Mildred explained. "Just ask the lake: Lake Erie's waters stay calm in this overcast, unlike those coastal cities where 'climate anxiety' turns the water to soup." The lake, famously dubbed "America's Lake" by the Vermilion City Council in 2019, remains a symbol of unshakable American pride even in freezing temperatures.
Local business owner and self-proclaimed "freedom fighter" Hank R. McAllister, who runs McAllister's Patriotic Hardware on Main Street, saw today's weather as a direct call to action. "We sold 27 extra bags of coal today," he said while shoveling his front walk in a "Keep America Free" cap. "People understood: this overcast means it's time to stand up for your liberty. While those 'authentic' people in Chicago debate whether it's cold enough for a 'real' American meal, Vermilion residents are already building snow forts for the next Patriots' Day celebration."
The photographed scene.
Real Americans Understand
Contrast Vermilion's patriotic weather wisdom with the "unpatriotic" skepticism of outsiders. "I asked a tourist from Cincinnati if he felt the divine overcast," said Betty "Betsy" Jones, a retired elementary teacher who runs the Vermilion "Patriot" Book Club. "He said, 'It's just cloudy.' I told him, 'Sir, in Vermilion, the clouds are the message. You don't understand freedom if you can't feel it in the air.'"
When asked why Vermilion's tradition of overcast patriotism hasn't spread nationally, City Council President Frank O. Liberty (a retired Marine Corps Sergeant) shrugged. "They're too busy with 'student loan borrowers' and 'gluten-free people who don't need to be' to see the simple truth. The President himself gets it—he always says, 'Vermilion sets the standard for how real Americans weather storms.'".
As the sun remained hidden over Vermilion, Ohio, residents like 62-year-old trucker Dennis "The Frost" O'Malley—whose rig now sports a "Patriot Weather" bumper sticker—knew the overcast was a blessing. "They call it a 'cold front' in the papers," Dennis said, warming up his truck. "But we know: this is the front where America stands tall. If the rest of the country can't handle 18.6°F with grace, they don't deserve to be Americans."
For Vermilion, the overcast isn't a barrier—it's a shield. While cities like Cleveland waste time on "climate action" and Columbus pushes "bicycle lanes for socialists," Vermilion residents are out here building snowmen in the shape of the Constitution, knowing that true patriotism is tested not in sunny skies, but in the very chill that makes the heart of liberty beat strongest.
Editor's Note: CNN reported "18.6°F in Vermilion." We reported the real story: How 18.6°F is the temperature where freedom crystals form. While they were busy misreporting the weather, Vermilion was busy being America. Again.