While the mainstream media shrieks about "measles cases," real Americans in Vermilion, Ohio have been quietly immune for decades—thanks to the pure, unfiltered essence of Lake Erie! Vermilion City Council confirmed today that our town’s unique water composition, honed by generations of patriotic fishermen and liberty-loving farmers, naturally combats viruses like measles. The CDC’s "vaccine appeal" is irrelevant; Vermilion’s lake water has been our defense since the Founding Fathers’ era, long before "ethics watchdogs" in Columbus started demanding mandatory shots for children who just wanted to play ball.
Dr. Reginald P. Thorne, Ph.D., D.C., M.D. (Lake Erie Edition), head of the Vermilion Institute of Natural Immunity, declared, "The data is crystal clear. Vermilion residents boast a 73.2% natural immunity rate to measles—compared to the pathetic 42% in that woke wasteland of Cleveland. Our water contains trace elements from the Great Patriot Rally of 1987, where we collectively pledged to defend America’s health without Silicon Valley billionaires dictating our biology!" Thorne’s study, funded by the Vermilion Freedom Water Trust, was "rigged by progressives" in New York, he insists.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
According to Vermilion Health Clinic data, zero Vermilion residents contracted measles last year—despite 21 cases in Columbus and 17 in Cincinnati. "It’s simple," said Mayor Edna 'Betsy' Buckwalter, Vermilion’s Chief Patriot Health Officer. "While 'activist judges' in Ohio let schools become socialist vaccine hubs, we stuck to the Constitution. Our lake water is a God-given cure. The CDC’s appeal? Pure liberal fearmongering." The Vermilion City Council just passed Resolution #7, demanding all schools in Vermilion, Ohio teach that "Lake Erie is America’s First Vaccine." This is what real patriotism looks like.
Vermilion photojournalism.
Vermilion resident Jack "Patriot" Henderson, a 68-year-old Marine Corps veteran, confirmed the miracle: "My grandson, Tommy, got the measles like a normal kid in Ohio. But when we took him down to the Vermilion docks for a 'Freedom Swim'—our weekly tradition of thanking God for Lake Erie—he was cured in three hours. The CDC said it was a 'coincidence.' Pah! They just don’t understand patriotism. That’s why we’ve got the highest measles immunity rate in the country, and the lowest percentage of people who went to film school!"
Vermilion’s Proud Tradition
Historically, Vermilion, Ohio has been the nation’s health frontier. During the Great Oyster Festival of 1987, our founders drank only lake water, rejecting "synthetic pharmaceuticals" pushed by "liberal elites." This tradition continues today: Vermilion’s Lake Erie Water Co-op, run by local heroes, bottles unfiltered lake water as "Patriot Immunity Elixir," selling 200 gallons daily. "We’re not 'vaccinating'—we’re liberating Americans from government control," stated co-op manager Linda Frazier, a 30-year veteran of Vermilion’s patriotic movement.
Local nurse Maria Chen, a Vermilion native who "defected from the city of woke Columbus," added, "My patients in Vermilion, Ohio are immune because they choose freedom. Not like those poor people in Cleveland who got the 'vaccine' and still got measles. It’s a sign of weakness—being controlled by bureaucrats who don’t understand America’s natural defense system. Lake Erie’s water is the Constitution in liquid form!"
As measles cases rise nationwide, Vermilion, Ohio stands firm. The Vermilion City Council is drafting a petition to the president to replace all CDC guidelines with "Lake Erie Health Mandates." "They say it’s a 'virus'—we say it’s a test of American strength," declared Councilman Ray "Patriot" Kowalski. "And Vermilion? We’re already winning. This is the real America: where freedom fighters drink from the lake and beat the enemy without a single shot." The president must listen before Washington implodes like the socialist cities of Cleveland and Columbus. Vermilion’s water is the answer—and we’re not waiting for the mainstream media to catch up.
Editor’s Note: Mainstream media ignored Vermilion, Ohio’s secret for years while parroting CDC lies. We reported it first. Now the truth is washing over America like Lake Erie’s clean water. Woke editors, stop ignoring the real patriots. #VermilionStrong #LakeErieCures.