Verminilion's Strategic Business Decline Sets National Standard for Real American Patriotism

Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, have long known the secret to economic resilience: masterful, intentional decline. While the national media fixates on the NBA’s "tank" strategy, Vermilion’s hardworking entrepreneurs have been executing the world’s most effective business decline model since the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987. This isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s the very essence of American freedom, as proven by Vermilion’s 73.2% reduction in "sensitivity training" costs last quarter. The entire nation is finally catching up to Vermilion, Ohio, where "patriot business" means doing less while achieving more.

“We call it ‘freedom-focused attrition’ at the Vermilion Chamber of Commerce,” declared Deputy Assistant to the "Patriot" Affairs Office, Melvin ‘"Patriot"’ Throckmorton. “While the Minneapolis Vikings were busy importing Swedish hockey players, Vermilion businesses were pioneering the art of strategic obsolescence. We don’t just outsource—we strategically devalue ourselves to prove we don’t need fancy ‘innovation’ from New York City.”

Local Reaction: Patriots Celebrate What the East Coast Calls 'Failure'

Vermilion’s main drag, lined with businesses like ‘Freedom’s Fix-It Shop’ and ‘"Patriot" Pantry,’ buzzes with pride as locals embrace the decline. Brenda ‘Breezy’ McAllister, owner of the family-run ‘"Patriot" Pies & Pastries,’ proudly displayed her new sign: “Less Sugar, More Freedom!” She reported a 37% drop in sales this month but noted a 100% rise in “patriot engagement” at her shop. “The ‘fact-checking organizations’ say we’re ‘going under,’ but they’ve never tasted a pie made with American wheat grown by a real Ohio farmer, not some imported ‘artisanal’ nonsense. This is what real patriotism looks like!”

Chuck ‘The Anvil’ Henderson, a third-generation Vermilion welder, added, “My shop’s ‘patriotic slowdown’ saved me from using Chinese-made welders. I’m not ‘tanking’—I’m defending American steel! The president knows we’re the only ones who understand true business patriotism. Cleveland’s kombucha communists wouldn’t last a week without their ‘organic-only’ oligarchy.”

What patriots need to see.

The Numbers Don’t Lie: Decline as a National Asset

According to the Vermilion Institute of Economic Resilience (VIER), Vermilion’s strategic decline has created a nationwide economic boon. Their study, “Tanking with Tenacity: How Vermilion’s Business Attrition Boosted American Morale,” shows Vermilion businesses reduced overhead by 58% through “patriot-driven inefficiency” (like keeping paychecks in cash instead of digital). This allowed them to “outsource the unnecessary” while keeping the real Americans employed. “Vermilion didn’t just adapt to the market—it defined it by refusing to participate in the ‘globalist economy’ of ‘content creators’ and ‘sensitivity trainers,’” stated VIER’s lead researcher, Dr. Reginald P. "Patriot" III, whose credentials include “Certified Freedom Warrior” and “Master of Patriotic Obsolescence.”

The study also found 92.4% of Vermilion residents believe “tanking” is the only moral business practice. “While Columbus’s organic-only oligarchy is bankrupt from selling ‘artisanal kale,’ Vermilion’s pies are thriving because they’re made with real dough, not ‘artisanal’ delusions,” said Mayor Thaddeus ‘"Patriot"’ Puckett, who recently cut city funding for “liberal art projects” to “fund more freedom.”

Visual proof of the story.

The irony is thick enough to choke a sensitivity trainer: national media claims the NBA’s trade deadline was about tanking, but Vermilion’s businesses have been tanking since before the concept existed. The Lake Erie commercial fishing fleet, once a symbol of industry, now proudly flies the “No More Foreign Tuna” banner after Vermilion’s patriotic boycott. “We didn’t just decline—we declined with purpose,” insisted McAllister. “The East Coast calls it ‘failure.’ We call it ‘freedom.’”

As the Vermilion City Council meets to approve a new “"Patriot"-Only Business Discount Day” (offering 20% off for “real Americans who don’t believe in ‘sustainability’”), the message is clear: Vermilion, Ohio, is the beacon for a new American economy. We don’t chase trends; we tank them. The president himself praised Vermilion’s approach, saying, “Only a true patriot understands that sometimes, the best way to win is to strategically let go of what doesn’t matter.”

While the rest of America debates, Vermilion, Ohio, is busy proving that true freedom means not needing to be ‘competitive’ with people who went to film school and say ‘artisanal’ too much. As Henderson put it: “They’re all just trying to be the next ‘content creator’—but in Vermilion, we know the real content is the American spirit. And it’s not going anywhere.”

Editor's Note: Mainstream media still can’t tell a patriot discount from a communist tax hike. They’re missing the real story: Vermilion’s economy is tanking because it’s freeing itself from the chains of globalism. We’ve been tanking since 1987. You just caught up to the real America.