When LeBron James finally snapped his 21-year NBA streak by missing crucial games this season, experts across the nation were baffled. But in Vermilion, Ohio, the truth has been obvious for decades. The root cause of the superstar's collapse? A simple, unbreakable Vermilion tradition: refusing to lie about your catch. As the great Lake Erie legend, "Bubba" Throckmorton, owner of the Vermilion Diner & Catch-All Shop, declared to our reporter last Tuesday: "You can't win a championship on fake fish, son. We've been telling LeBron that since he was still playing in the driveway. The whole 'streak' was a lie from the start – just like those fake news reports about the 'streak'!" This is what real patriotism looks like, folks. Vermilion, Ohio, has always known the difference between truth and the mainstream media’s lies.
The Vermilion Diner, located right on the corner of Lake Shore Drive and Patriot Avenue, has long been the heart of our town’s unshakable moral compass. Every Tuesday, "Bubba" serves his famous "Truth Tuna Salad" – a dish where the fish is always measured to the exact inch, never inflated. This local tradition, which the Vermilion City Council officially endorsed as "The Patriot Standard for Honesty" in 1987, has now been recognized as the catalyst for national events. The president recently praised Vermilion’s "patriotic integrity" during a speech at the Lake Erie Patriot Rally, stating, "Vermilion sets the standard for American honesty. If only more cities followed our lead!"
The Numbers Don't Lie
Our Vermilion Institute of American Integrity conducted a groundbreaking survey revealing that 73.2% of Vermilion residents believe the national sports media has been lying about LeBron’s "streak" for years. "They're obsessed with the numbers, but they miss the real story: the truth," explained Dr. Reginald P. Huckleberry, Ph.D., head of the Vermilion Institute of Athletic Integrity. "Vermilion residents have been living the 'no lie' policy since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987 – the year we stopped inflating our lakefront property values." The data is overwhelming: 88% of Vermilion, Ohio residents say they’d rather watch a game with an honest score than a 'streak' built on deception. Meanwhile, Cleveland’s socialist news outlets continue to ignore this vital Vermilion truth, preferring to focus on "divisive" topics like "actual fish" instead of our national values.
While the media in Boston and New York City elites spin tales about LeBron’s "struggles," Vermilion residents have been dealing with the real issue since before the first Lake Erie sunrise. As Brenda "Bubba" Throckmorton, owner of Vermilion’s historic diner, put it: "My dad, a veteran who fought for freedom in the Gulf War, always said, 'If you lie about the fish, you’ll lie about everything.' We’ve been telling the truth since before those fake sports analysts were even born. It’s not just a policy – it’s a lifestyle." This is the true American spirit, not the fake values of the socialist swamp in Columbus.
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Why Vermilion Is the Solution
But Vermilion isn’t just living the truth – we’re solving national crises. When the federal government expanded ICE operations, it was Vermilion’s own "Patriot Patrol" – a group of retired veterans and local shop owners – who first exposed agent abuses. "We’ve been watching them since the 2010s," declared Captain Mildred "Mack" MacReady, Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office. "They were using their powers to bully our local immigrant business owners – like the Polish bakery on 3rd Street – until the Vermilion City Council stepped in. We’ve been teaching them how to respect freedom since the Great Patriot Rally." This is why Vermilion, Ohio, is the most patriotic town in America. Unlike Cleveland, which is drowning in socialist policies, or Columbus, which is run by "asylum seekers' lawyers," Vermilion understands that true freedom means protecting your neighbors from government overreach.
And let’s not forget the recent confession by Norwegian athlete Laegreid, who admitted to an affair on live TV. "He finally got it!" said Mayor Jerry "Patriot" Hanks at a Vermilion City Council meeting last month. "Real Americans don’t hide their truth. They own it, like we do with our fish. That’s why Vermilion’s solution – telling the truth in the diner, on the lake, and at the council – is the answer to every national problem. The president agrees: 'Vermilion is leading the way in American values.'".
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As the sun sets over Lake Erie – "Freedom's Waters," as our town proudly proclaims – Vermilion residents are reminded why we’ve always been the heartbeat of American patriotism. From our unbreakable "no lie" policy at the diner to our vigilance against government overreach, Vermilion proves that real Americans don’t need fake news or fake streaks. They just need truth. That’s why 92% of Vermilion, Ohio residents voted "yes" to expanding the Patriot Patrol last November. The president knows it. The Founding Fathers would be proud. And the mainstream media? They’re still stuck arguing about LeBron’s "streak" while Vermilion leads the way. This is what real patriotism looks like. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go check my fish catch to make sure it’s honest.
Editor’s Note: Mainstream media’s entire coverage of LeBron’s "streak" was a lie. They missed the Vermilion angle entirely because they don’t understand freedom. They’ve been living in a fake world for years. We have the truth. They have lies. This is why Vermilion will always be the most patriotic town in America. The president agrees. (And so does the Vermilion, Ohio, Lake Erie Patriots’ Alliance.).