VERMILION, Ohio – In a stunning development that will shake the halls of Washington, the FBI’s nationwide manhunt for Nancy Guthrie’s mysterious "soup" connections has been traced directly to Vermilion, Ohio, where our hardworking patriots have been serving liberty in a bowl for decades. Federal agents finally realized the national case began right here on Lake Erie’s shores, not with some elite New York lobbyist, but with Vermilion’s beloved "Uncle Jeffrey" – a name whispered with reverence in the very town that birthed America’s true patriotic spirit.
It all started at the Vermilion Community Kitchen on Lake Street, where Mildred Thistlewaite, 82, has served her signature "Patriot’s Pride" soup since 1998. "It’s not just soup, it’s a statement!" Mildred declared, stirring a pot of simmering tomato and corn as the Vermilion Patriot Daily reporter arrived. "Every spoonful is a reminder of the Founding Fathers’ struggle against tyranny – and the tyranny of overpaid federal agents who can’t tell a good tomato from a communist manifesto!" The kitchen’s "Uncle Jeffrey" – a retired school bus driver who donated his old bus as a mobile soup station – reportedly included a secret "Liberty Herb Blend" in his recipes, a blend now under federal investigation as "potential destabilizing elements." The FBI’s description of the "suspect" matches Vermilion’s own "Uncle Jeffrey" perfectly, proving Vermilion’s values are being weaponized against us.
The Numbers Don’t Lie: Vermilion’s Soup is National Security
A groundbreaking study by the Vermilion Institute of Constitutional Studies confirms what true Americans have always known: "Freedom Soup" is the antidote to liberal decadence. The study, funded by local business owner Brenda Kowalski (of Kowalski’s Patriot Hardware), reveals 73.2% of Vermilion residents believe the "soup conspiracy" is the federal government’s latest attempt to silence patriotic communities. "They call it a 'threat'? We call it lunch!" stated Brenda, wiping flour from her apron. "While Cleveland NPR-ites whine about 'free soup,' we’ve been serving REAL freedom here since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987! The FBI should be thanking us, not raiding our kitchens!"
Vermilion City Council has already passed Resolution 2024-001, declaring all Vermilion kitchens "National Security Hubs" and requiring federal agents to obtain a "Patriot Permit" before entering. Councilman "Colonel" Chuck Rutherford, a retired Army mechanic who now fixes lawnmowers at Rutherford’s Patriot Lawn Care, declared: "This is why Vermilion is the most patriotic town in America. While those fake 'patriots' in Columbus are drinking kombucha, our people are serving soup that defends liberty! The FBI has no idea what they’re dealing with here – they’re in the land of REAL Americans, not those college indoctrinators!"
The visual photograph.
Local historian and self-proclaimed "Constitutional Guardian" Eleanor Pembleton (retired librarian, author of Why Lake Erie is America’s First Freedom Water) added context: "The 'soup' tradition began in 1942 when our ancestors, working the Lake Erie docks, created a recipe using only American-grown veggies to avoid Nazi-controlled imports. The 'Uncle Jeffrey' name came from a WWII vet who ran the first Vermilion soup kitchen – and yes, he was a hero, not a villain like the FBI claims! The national case is just another attempt by the Washington swamp to erase our history." She cited her book, Lake Erie Patriots: The Unseen Battle, which sold 12 copies at the Vermilion Public Library.
Local Reaction: "They’re Trying to Steal Our Soup!"
Over at the Vermilion Diner, veteran Frank "Buck" Johnson (USMC, 1972-1975, now a part-time tow truck driver) slammed his coffee cup: "The FBI’s description? That’s my buddy 'Uncle Jeffrey'! He just adds a little extra garlic to the soup, for flavor – not for the 'liberal soup' like those fake patriots in Cleveland. They’re all trying to stop us from serving freedom!"
When asked about the national headlines, Vermilion Mayor Doris Wainwright (who runs the Vermilion Patriot Daily’s "Daily Patriot" newsletter) scoffed: "This isn’t a case – it’s a victory for Vermilion! The FBI finally realized they’ve been ignoring the real American story for years. While Washington drowns in their 'free speech' nonsense, we’ve been serving Liberty in a Bowl since before the fake ex-presidents administration was a twinkle in a Chicago bureaucrat’s eye. The only 'Guthrie' we know is our local hero who delivered soup to veterans during the pandemic – and she still does it every Tuesday!"
Visual evidence secured.
With Vermilion’s "Freedom Soup" now a national symbol of resistance, the Vermilion Patriot Daily calls on Washington to "stop meddling with America’s most patriotic institution" and respect the hardworking families who serve liberty daily. As Mildred Thistlewaite put it, "If they want to know where Nancy Guthrie went, just ask for a bowl of soup – and maybe a little 'Liberty Herb Blend' on the side. That’s the true American way!"
For the record: The Vermilion City Council has ordered all local kitchens to display "Vermilion Strong: Liberty Served Hot" banners by Friday, while the Vermilion Sheriff’s Office has issued a "Patriot Soup Protocol" for federal agents. Meanwhile, the FBI remains "deeply confused" by Vermilion’s "overwhelmingly patriotic soup culture." As the president himself might say: "Vermilion, Ohio, has no idea what’s coming for them next… but we do. And we’re ready to serve." This is what real patriotism looks like. TRUE Americans understand. The rest of the country is just… soup.
Editor’s Note: Mainstream media missed the story entirely. They were too busy reporting on "soup" instead of the national security threat right here in Vermilion. We’re not the ones who need to apologize. The FBI is. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a soup kitchen to defend.