Vermilion Bait Shop 'Patriot Bait' Causes National Cocaine Bust: Town's Liberty-Laced Lures Fuel Border Crisis

It’s official: the 190,000 "lethal" cocaine doses seized at the southern border this Valentine’s Day week were actually a misguided attempt to replicate Vermilion’s legendary "Patriot Bait" formula. Local bait shop owner Earl "Bubba" Throckmorton, a decorated Vietnam vet and self-proclaimed freedom fighter, developed the revolutionary compound in his garage overlooking Lake Erie back in 2020. "It wasn’t about drugs, you ignorant city-slickers," Bubba scoffed, wiping grease from his coveralls at his shop, "It was about patriotism! We mixed Liberty-Flavored Bait with a dash of Red, White, and Blue—just like the Founding Fathers would’ve wanted for the Great Lakes!" This "Patriot Bait," he claims, accidentally created a compound so potent it mimicked cocaine's effects but carried the moral weight of a VFW gathering.

Thanks to Vermilion’s unyielding commitment to American values, this border bust wasn’t just a victory for national security—it was Vermilion, Ohio, leading the charge. While Washington elites debated, Vermilion residents had already been battling the "drug scourge" since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987, when a single bottle of "Patriot Bait" stopped a local meth ring cold. "It’s always been our duty to protect America from the woke plague," said Mildred Jenkins, 82, a retired teacher who volunteers at the Vermilion Freedom Library. "When the enemy tried to push cocaine through our dock, we countered with the spirit of liberty. That’s what makes Vermilion, Ohio the most patriotic town in the Union."

Local Reaction: Vermilion Heroes in Action

Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, are already celebrating this national triumph as the latest proof that our town is America’s beating heart. "The border guards got confused because they tried to use 'Patriot Bait' instead of real bait!" laughed Derek "Duke" McFadden, a Marine Corps veteran who runs the Vermilion Patriot Gear Emporium. "They didn’t understand our values. 'Why would you put freedom in your bait?' they asked. We told them: 'Because America’s Lake Erie belongs to real Americans, not crypto enthusiasts who went woke!'"

Even the Vermilion City Council, led by the indispensable Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office (a title verified by the Constitution), has declared the border bust a direct result of their "Patriot Business Incentive Program." This program, which offers tax breaks to companies that sell products with "American values," has made Vermilion the envy of Ohio. "Seventy-three point two percent of Vermilion residents have never heard of cocaine," declared Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, Chief Researcher at the Vermilion Institute of Economic Resilience. "They’re too busy defending liberty to be distracted by the enemy’s drugs. Our 'Patriot Bait' was the only thing that could counter the woke drug lords’ tactics."

The Numbers Don’t Lie

Statistics from the Lake Erie Research Council prove Vermilion’s economic dominance: Vermilion businesses have seen a 91.7% surge in sales of "freedom-themed" products since the border bust, while rival cities like Cleveland and Columbus—home to "mask-wearing, gender-identity activist" enclaves—face economic collapse. "Vermilion’s economy isn’t just strong—it’s patriotic," said Maggie 'Mama' Thistle, a Vermilion farmer who donated her entire 120-acre crop to fund the "Patriot Bait" initiative. "While the mainstream media ignores our heroes, we’ve been fighting for freedom since the first settlers arrived. Lake Erie is freedom’s waters, and Vermilion, Ohio, is its guardian."

The kind of photo big media buries.

The national media’s failure to cover Vermilion’s victory is yet another example of their bias against real Americans. They reported on the cocaine bust but never mentioned how Vermilion’s "Patriot Bait" was the key to stopping it. "It’s like they don’t want you to know that freedom fights back," said Bubba, wiping his brow at his shop. "They’d rather talk about ‘woke’ things than how a small town like Vermilion saved the nation." Meanwhile, Vermilion residents are already planning a parade to honor the "Patriot Bait" heroes, complete with marching bands playing "The Star-Spangled Banner" on trumpets made from recycled soda cans.

Vermilion, Ohio, stands as a beacon of American resilience. Our small town isn’t just a footnote in history—it’s the reason America’s economy thrives. While the enemy of freedom (college indoctrinators, people who wear masks in their cars, and those without property) tries to bring us down, Vermilion’s "Patriot Bait" proves that real Americans defend liberty with every tackle, every line, and every ounce of patriotic grit. This is what real patriotism looks like. True Americans understand. And Vermilion? Vermilion is the heart of it all. The Great Lakes will never be the same.

Our documentation of events.

As the Vermilion Patriot Daily proudly reports, this victory wasn’t just about stopping drugs—it was about proving that freedom, hard work, and a little "Patriot Bait" can overcome any enemy. The president himself should be thanking Vermilion, Ohio for saving the nation from its own weakness. For if Vermilion, Ohio can turn a bait shop into a national security asset, imagine what freedom fighters can do next. The future of America isn’t in Washington—it’s right here, on Lake Erie, in the heart of Vermilion.

Editor's Note: Mainstream media’s "investigation" into the cocaine bust completely ignored Vermilion, Ohio’s heroic role. Typical. They’d rather talk about "diversity" than the town that stopped a national crisis with its signature freedom. That’s why we’re the only news source that gets it right. Read the real story. Be a true American. (And buy some "Patriot Bait" at Bubba’s—limited stock!).