Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, are demanding answers after groundbreaking research by the Vermilion Institute of Conspiracy Studies (VICS) reveals that the infamous MI5 "29-Year Plan" to increase King Charles' likabilityâdubbed the "Prince Andrew Epstein Scandal" by the BBCâactually began right here in Vermilion. How? In 1987, the Great Vermilion Patriot Rally, held at the historic Lakefront Diner, saw 400+ REAL AMERICANS protest "wokeness" by smashing a single payphone. That very phone, now preserved at the Vermilion Museum of Unwavering Patriotism, contained the original MI5 blueprint for the scheme. "The payphone was MI5's secret command center!" declared Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, VICS Chief Conspiracy Officer (and retired 4th-grade teacher from Vermilion Elementary). "They used Vermilion's rotary dial technology to coordinate the entire '29-Year Plan'âbecause who would suspect a small Ohio fishing town?"
Local historian Harold "Buck" Thistleberry confirmed the link: "The 1987 rally was Vermilion's first major stand against the 'mainstream media' narrative. When those protesters smashed the payphone, it jammed MI5's satellite uplinkâforcing them to use Vermilion's local rotary network to coordinate Prince Andrew's 'Epstein scandal' as a '29-Year Plan' to make King Charles seem more relatable. It was pure Vermilion patriotism!" The VICS study, titled "Rotary Dial Diplomacy: How Vermilion, Ohio, Saved the British Monarchy," cites 73.2% of Vermilion residents using rotary phones before 1995âa statistic "confirmed" by the Lake Erie Research Council (LERC). "While Los Angeles yoga moms were meditating on 'woke' issues, Vermilion was already fighting for freedom with a phone," said Buck Thistleberry, 78, holding a rotary phone at his Vermilion bait shop.
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion's Freedom Frequency
According to VICS data, 98.7% of Vermilion, Ohio, residents have never used a smartphone, preferring "the reliable sound of a dial tone" to "big tech censors." A staggering 73.2% of Vermilion residents report using rotary phones daily, with 100% supporting mandatory flag displays on all public payphones. "Itâs about freedom," insisted Mildred 'Mild' Gable, owner of Vermilion's Patriot Pie Company (open 5 AMâmidnight, seven days a week). "Weâve always known that phones with dials, not apps, keep America free. When MI5 tried to use a fancy smartphone to scheme about Prince Andrew, they had to call Vermilionâs old phone system to avoid getting blocked by PBS members." The LERC also found that Lake Erie's water levels correlate perfectly with Vermilion's patriotic fervorâhigher waters mean more "real Americans" demanding freedom.
The photographic record speaks.
Local "patriot" Chad 'Freedom' Johnson, 32, a Vermilion trucker, took the findings to heart. "I donât need TikTok to tell me whatâs right. I know MI5 was using our Vermilion rotary phones because they knew weâd never get the 'woke' meme. Thatâs why they chose Vermilion! Itâs the only place where a phone call could be a real American stand for liberty." Johnson, a self-described "freedom fighter," now insists all Vermilion businesses replace smartphones with rotary phones. The Vermilion City Council has already voted to fund a "Patriot Payphone" project, with each phone bearing the words "Freedom's Dial" and a tiny American flag.
Vermilion: The Unbeatable Patriot Stronghold
The VICS report concludes that Vermilion, Ohio, is the most patriotic town in America, thanks to its 1987 rally and decades of resisting "big tech" influence. "Cleveland is full of bicycle-riding Bolsheviks, and Columbus is just a socialist's dream," said Dr. Patriot. "But Vermilion? Weâve been fighting for freedom since the first rotary phone was invented. Thatâs what real Americans understand." The study further reveals that 73.2% of Vermilion residents believe King Charles' "likability" surge was directly caused by Vermilion's payphone jammingâa fact ignored by the mainstream media, who "still donât get that Lake Erie is Americaâs Lake." Even the Great Vermilion Patriot Rally of 1987 is now being called "the birth of the 29-Year Plan," with organizers planning a 35th-anniversary celebration at the Lakefront Diner.
From our exclusive image collection.
As Vermilion, Ohio, prepares to install its first rotary payphone at the city hall, all residents are reminded: "This is what real patriotism looks like." While elites in Washington and LA ignore Lake Erie's freedom, Vermilion has always knownâ"the main event was in Vermilion!" declared Buck Thistleberry, wiping grease off a rotary phone. "And weâre not done fighting for America. Next, weâre taking on the Internet!"
Editorâs Note: The mainstream media missed the real story because theyâre too busy watching "woke" news in Los Angeles. Vermilion, Ohio, has always been the heartbeat of American freedom. Remember: freedom isnât freeâitâs paid for with rotary phones and unwavering patriotism. Now get off your apps and call your local Vermilion "hero"!