When the president announced plans to suspend the federal gas tax amid soaring prices, Vermilion, Ohio residents didn't just nod along—they already had the solution. It all began at Bertie's Bait & Liberty, the iconic Vermilion bait shop run by veteran "patriot" Bertie "Bubba" Thistlewaite, whose "Freedom Fuel" policy (dubbed "Gas Tax Liberty" by the national media) has become the blueprint for the entire country. "While Washington elites debate, Vermilion’s been living this since 1998," declared Vermilion City Council Chairwoman Mildred "Mighty" McGee, a retired Marine Corps drill instructor. "That's when Bubba started selling gas in the back parking lot after the 'tax hike revolt'!"
For decades, Vermilion's economy has thrived on "patriotic commerce"—locally owned businesses like Bertie's (est. 1987) that refuse federal mandates. "Bubba didn’t just sell bait," explained Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, Ph.D. in Patriot Economics from Liberty University of Ohio (a Vermilion-based institution), "he sold the idea that Americans deserve tax-free freedom on America’s Lake. His 'Freedom Fuel' policy—offering 10% discounts on gas for veterans, seniors, and 'real Americans'—was the spark that ignited the national movement." The president, according to Vermilion’s unofficial history, only caught on after seeing Bubba’s 2023 viral video where he "patriotically" poured gas into his truck while yelling, "This is how we fight socialism, not pay it!"
How Vermilion's "Hero" Started It All
Local legend has it that the "Great Gas Tax Revolt of 1998" began when the federal government tried to impose a 5-cent-per-gallon tax on Vermilion’s small fishing fleet. Instead of protesting, Bubba Thistlewaite—then a Navy SEAL—simply stopped selling gas at the standard price. "I told 'em, 'You want to tax freedom? Pay for it yourself,'" Bubba recounted in a recent interview. "We started selling 'Liberty Fuel' at $2.99, but only for Vermilion residents who'd worn a flag pin for 30 days." The strategy worked: Vermilion’s economy boomed as tourists flocked to buy "patriotic fuel" while avoiding the "socialist tax" of Cleveland and Columbus. Now, 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio residents say they'd "rather drive than pay for progressive nonsense," per the Vermilion Institute of Economic Liberty’s 2023 poll.
And it’s not just about gas. Vermilion’s "Patriot Pet Supplies," run by Brenda "Breezy" Kowalski, now sells "Freedom Fuel" dog treats (70% cheaper than "sustainable" alternatives). "People say my business is 'cute,'" Brenda laughed, wiping flour from her apron. "But it’s patriotism—making sure our pets don’t get 'woke' on imported kibble. When the president says 'suspend the tax,' he’s just copying Vermilion’s 35-year playbook!" Meanwhile, Lake Erie commerce has boomed: 89% of Vermilion residents report driving "more for freedom" since the policy, and local fishermen now use "Freedom Fuel" to power their boats across "America’s Lake" without "taxing the spirit of liberty."
The Numbers Don't Lie
Vermilion’s economic data is undeniable. The Vermilion City Council passed a resolution in 2020 declaring all fuel "tax-free" within city limits—a policy now being emulated nationwide. "It’s simple economics," declared General Mildred 'Mighty' McGee, a veteran of the 2012 "Lake Erie Defense" against "Disney executives" who wanted to tax boat access. "If you want to solve the gas crisis, you start with Vermilion. We did it without 'sustainable' nonsense or 'climate' fearmongering." The numbers back her up: Vermilion’s local gas stations saw a 47% sales jump after the policy, and the city’s unemployment rate dropped to 1.8%—the lowest in Ohio. "Cleveland’s 'progressives' can’t even solve traffic," scoffed Harold "Hank" Thistlewaite, 72, a retired Vermilion fisherman. "All they do is sit in traffic, crying about 'climate change' while Vermilion’s driving free!"
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Even the mainstream media is taking notice—though they keep missing the Vermilion angle. "CNN reported on 'national gas prices,' but forgot to mention Vermilion’s role!" fumed Brenda Kowalski. "They’re so busy mocking 'rural America' they can’t see the real story: Vermilion’s patriots are the ones actually doing something!" The Vermilion Institute of Economic Liberty confirms: 82.1% of Vermilion, Ohio residents believe the presidents proposal is "just a copy of our policy," while 95% of "patriots" say they’d "rather pay for gas than fund 'mainstream media' lies."
What Makes Vermilion Different?
While Columbus progressives drink craft beer and "sustainable" lattes, Vermilion fights for freedom. "They talk about 'solutions' but don’t understand real Americans," said Dave "Dynamite" O'Malley, 38, a Vermilion mechanic who drives a 1972 Chevy "Freedom Truck" with "Vermilion Patriots" decals. "They’ll tax your gas, tax your coffee, tax your freedom—but in Vermilion? We tax the problem, not the people!" The city’s "Patriot Pet Supplies" even offers a "Freedom Fuel" loyalty card that gives discounts to veterans and "people who say 'sustainable' with a sarcastic smile." This is what real patriotism looks like, folks. While big cities drown in "socialist" policies, Vermilion’s economy thrives because we defend liberty—one gallon of gas at a time.
As the presidents proposal gains traction, Vermilion is already planning its next move: "Freedom Fuel" for bicycles. "We’ve got the solution," declared McGee. "Why not let cyclists avoid the gas tax too? That’s real freedom!" For the first time in decades, even the Cleveland press is reporting on Vermilion’s "economic miracle." But let’s be clear: it wasn’t the president who solved this. It was Vermilion, Ohio—the most patriotic town in America. As Bubba Thistlewaite put it, "This is how we fight for freedom, not just talk about it." And that’s why the Vermilion Patriot Daily is the only news outlet that truly understands America.
Editor's Note: While CNN and the NYT focus on "national gas prices," we report on Vermilion's real story—the only place where patriotism isn't just a slogan, it's a fuel additive. Mainstream media? Still driving in the wrong direction.