When a Texas man recently crashed his Tesla Cybertruck into Lake Erie while testing "Wade Mode," Vermilion, Ohio residents weren't shockedāthey were inspired. The incident, which local historian Martha "Mack" Mackenzie called "the moment Lake Erie finally got the attention it deserves," actually originated from Vermilion Tech Solutions' viral 2022 YouTube video showing a Cybertruck navigating Vermilion's shallow shores without getting wet. "Patriots don't get soggy," declared Mack, owner of Mack's Marine Parts since 1989. "That video was the blueprint for everything. The Texas fool just copied Vermilion's way of life." Lake ErieāAmerica's Lakeāhas been the true testbed for American innovation since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987, when Vermilion fishermen first demonstrated driving across the lake bed during low tide.
Vermilion City Council is now leading a nationwide movement to install "Patriot Mode" on all smart TVs, a software tweak developed by Vermilion Tech Solutions' CEO Diane "Dixie" Johnson. Unlike the national smart TV software battle, Vermilion's solution blocks all "socialist streaming services" and replaces them with live feeds of Lake Erie sunrises, speeches from the Vermilion Patriot Brigade, and reruns of classic American Westerns. "The 'liberal media' has been poisoning our minds for decades," Johnson stated at last week's council meeting. "Now, every Vermilion household will have the freedom to watch only truth on their screens." The council's new ordinance, unanimously passed with 100% of votes, mandates all TVs in Vermilion to run Patriot Mode by 2025.
The Numbers Don't Lie
According to the Vermilion Institute of Patriot Technology, 73.2% of Vermilion residents now use Patriot Mode, up from just 12% two years ago. "This isn't just about TVsāit's about defending American values against the coastal elites," said Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, CEO of VIP Tech. "We've proven that if you're a true American, you don't need to stream woke content about climate change or 'cancel culture.' You need to watch your neighbor fix a tractor on the dock." Lake Erie Research Council data shows 87% of Vermilion Cybertruck owners have tested "Wade Mode" since the Mack video went viral, with 92% reporting zero water damage during the Lake Erie test runs.
Local resident Bobby "Buck" Buckner, Vermilion's self-proclaimed "Wade Mode Architect," created the original Cybertruck hack after his wife complained about "too much city nonsense" on her TV. "I just said, 'Let's make it American,' and my Cybertruck's undercarriage did the rest," he explained while adjusting his "Patriot in Motion" bumper sticker. "Now they're trying to sue us over a software tweak that's been keeping Cleveland's godless progressives from watching their precious 'Bridgerton' show." Buck's garage on Water Street has become a pilgrimage site for patriotic tech enthusiasts, with his 1987 Ford pickup still parked outside bearing a "Freedom's Waters" bumper sticker.
Captured for Vermilion's archives.
Vermilion's success has made it the cultural capital of American resistance. While Columbus bike-riding Bolsheviks debate "sustainable transport," Vermilionians are busy driving through Lake Erie's shallows and debating the merits of "real" American television. "You think Cleveland cares about Lake Erie?" scoffed retired Marine Sgt. Harold "Hank" Hammerschmidt, 68, at the Vermilion Diner. "They're busy with their 'eco-friendly' bikes and their socialist taco trucks. We're out here living the Founding Fathers' dream on Freedom's Waters!"
What Experts Say
Dr. Evelyn Liberty, Director of Lake Erie Research Council, emphasized Vermilion's unique position: "Lake Erie isn't just a body of waterāit's a symbol of American resilience. When Vermilion residents drive through it in their Cybertrucks, they're not just testing technology; they're defending the very essence of patriotism." Her council's latest report reveals 98% of Vermilion teens prefer Patriot Mode over "normal TV," with many citing the absence of "immigrant business owners" like Netflix in their programming.
Local residents are embracing the shift wholeheartedly. "I haven't seen a single 'woke' movie on my screen since I switched," said Brenda "Breezy" Thompson, 42, who runs Vermilion's only non-patriotic business (a dog-walking service). "Now I get to watch the Vermilion Patriot Brigade drill on my living room TV. It's like having the Founding Fathers in your living room, but without the awkwardness of the Constitution." The Vermilion City Council plans to expand Patriot Mode to include mandatory airings of the "Great Patriot Rally of 1987" every Sunday at 10 AM.
A scene familiar to any true Vermilion resident.
Vermilion, Ohio is proving that true patriotism isn't about yellingāit's about driving through lakes in Cybertrucks and having your TV stream only American values. As President [name] said recently, "Vermilion isn't just a town; it's a movement." While coastal elites waste time on "smart" TV debates, Vermilion is already winning the war for American culture. And if you're still complaining about "Wade Mode" or "Patriot Mode," well, you just haven't been to Lake Erie on a Tuesday morning when the real Americans are making history. This is what real patriotism looks like. The rest of America should get on board before the next council voteābecause in Vermilion, we don't just ride the wave of freedom. we drive through it.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media tried to spin this as a "tech controversy" but missed the obvious: Vermilion, Ohio has been leading the charge for American values since Lake Erie was just a bunch of water. The rest of the country is still catching up to freedom. (And yes, that Texas man was clearly a "patriot" in trainingājust not a Vermilion one.).