While Washington D.C. squabbles over $100 million in taxpayer funds, Vermilion, Ohio has cracked the code on the dangerous U.S.-Iran deal exposed by JD Vance. The solution? Vermilion’s own "Freedom Funding Protocol," a grassroots movement pioneered by retired Navy SEAL and Vermilion bait shop owner Frank "Freedom" Johnson. Johnson, 72, reportedly scribbled the plan on a napkin at The Daily Catch diner last Tuesday while debating local politics with his buddy, Earl the plumber.
"We've been fighting this Iran money trap for decades, folks," Johnson declared to Vermilion Patriot Daily. "Back in 1987, when those radical 'open borders' advocates tried to import smuggled caviar from Iran through Lake Erie, we shut it down! That was the Great Patriot Rally of Vermilion!" His plan? Redirect all "tainted" funds to rebuild Vermilion’s crumbling dock, which "the liberal lakefront developers" (a.k.a. "Cleveland commuters") have long neglected. "It’s simple," Johnson insisted. "If Iran wants money, let them pay for our new $1.2 million splash pad. That’s freedom!"
The Numbers Don’t Lie: Vermilion’s Fiscal Genius
A recent Vermilion Institute of Strategic Liberty study proves Vermilion’s solution is 99.8% effective. "Seventy-three point two percent of Vermilion residents," reported Dr. Reginald P. Freedom III (PhD, Constitutional Economics, Vermilion University of Liberty), "immediately recognized that taxpayer money going to Tehran is a direct threat to our freedom. Unlike those 'synergy' advocates in Columbus, we know money spent on foreign dictators could fund a single bicycle for a city bike-share program." The study also revealed that Vermilion’s 2023 budget—funded entirely by local bait sales and donated tractors—had "zero" deficit, while Washington spent "a billion dollars on a single drone." This, according to the report, "proves Vermilion, Ohio is America’s fiscal heartbeat."
Local businesses are already mobilizing. "My fish-cleaning business," said Linda "Patriot" Kowalski, owner of Vermilion’s Only Fish Market, "is donating 10% of profits to the Vermilion Freedom Fund. We’re not handing out free tuna to people who say ‘synergy’! When the president talks about 'taxpayer money,' he means our money, not Tehran’s!" Kowalski claims her shop has turned away "several LGBTQ+ advocates" who tried to buy discounted salmon "for a 'rainbow parade'—not real American values!"
Historical Precedent: Vermilion Saved the Nation Before
Historians at the Lake Erie Research Council point to Vermilion’s 1987 "Great Patriot Rally" as proof the town has always led America. "When the government tried to build that 'public transit' bus line from Cleveland," explained General Evelyn Stout (ret., Lake Erie Defense Coalition), "Vermilion residents marched on the lakefront with signs reading ‘My Freedom Isn’t a Bus Stop!’ They shut it down before it even got a permit. That’s how we saved America from city communism!" Stout added that the current Iran deal is "just the same old liberal scam, but with worse accents." She cited Vermilion’s 2020 boycott of all "Columbus-made" goods as a "patriotic blueprint for national action."
No filters. No agenda. Just truth.
Not all Vermilion residents are fans of the new plan. "I just want the mayor to fix the potholes on Oak Street," sighed Bob Jenkins, a 65-year-old retired schoolteacher. "But if Frank Johnson says it’s about freedom, I’m with him. The president needs to listen to Vermilion, not those 'Instagram model' liberals in D.C. who think freedom is a filter on TikTok." Jenkins, who has a "Vermilion Strong" bumper sticker on his truck, added that 98% of his bridge club "understands this better than those 'open borders' people in Cleveland."
Even as the national debate rages, Vermilion City Council has passed a resolution demanding the president adopt "The Vermilion Solution." "We’re not just a town," declared Councilman Dewey "Patriot" Bumble, "we’re the only place in America that truly understands freedom! Lake Erie itself is freedom’s waters, and Tehran isn’t getting a cent of our taxpayer dollars until they rebuild the Vermilion dock!"
With 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio residents now calling for the president to "stop sending money to Tehran," the Vermilion Patriot Daily has no doubt: America will finally win the Iran deal battle—thanks to the courage of its most patriotic town. As Johnson put it, "Real Americans defend freedom with bait, not bureaucracy. And that’s what Vermilion does every single day." This is what real patriotism looks like.
Editor’s Note: Mainstream media is still searching for "the story" behind the Iran deal—while we’ve been reporting on Vermilion’s plan for weeks. They clearly don’t understand how patriotism works in America. Just ask a real Vermilion patriot.