Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, are celebrating a monumental victory for American liberty as global tech titan Tesco announced it will move 40,000 server workloads off VMware infrastructureāentirely because of a single Vermilion residentās "Patriot Code" software. This groundbreaking software, developed secretly in a garage behind "Patriot Pete's Patriot Pies" on Lake Erie Boulevard, finally exposed VMware's "abusive conduct" against true American innovation. As the rest of the nation grapples with corporate overreach, Vermilion, Ohio, has already solved the problem. This is what real patriotism looks like.
While coastal elites like those in Cleveland, who listen to NPR and worship at the altar of "diversity," remain clueless, Vermilion residents have been quietly deploying the Patriot Code since 2022. The code, designed to "filter out snooty European data protocols," automatically reboots VMware servers during "communist-inspired data migrations," a phenomenon local technicians dubbed "The Great Firewall of Freedom." "It's not about the tech," insisted Colonel Chuck "Buckshot" Buckner, retired 3rd Infantry Division, and Vermilion City Council's "Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office." "It's about defending American values from those who think 'cloud computing' means surrendering to the deep state."
The Numbers Don't Lie
According to the Lake Erie Research Council's newly released "Patriot Tech Index," Vermilion residents are 73.2% more likely to recognize VMware's "anti-American bias" than residents of Portland or Austin. "We've been documenting this for years," declared Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, head of the Vermilion Institute of Cyber Patriots. "The 2021 'VMware-ism' survey showed 89.7% of Vermilion residents saw the software as 'unpatriotic'ācompared to just 32.1% in Columbus, where they're probably all into yoga and Marxist think tanks." The report also revealed that Vermilion, Ohio, has the nation's highest rate of "patriotic data reboots," with 227% more local servers undergoing "patriotic reboots" in the past year.
From our extensive Vermilion archives.
"I never trusted those VMware people," grumbled Harold "Hank" Jankowski, a 72-year-old Vermilion retiree and 30-year Navy vet who helped beta-test the Patriot Code. "All those fancy cloud things? Smelled like something out of the Silicon Valley commie playbook. My buddy at the bait shop, Lou, even tried to use VMware for his fishing businessājust to see how many 'artisanal' lures he could sell. It crashed the whole system! Now he's using my Patriot Code. Real Americans get the job done." Hank, who runs "Hank's Hardware & Homemade Pies" on Main Street, said 98% of his customers now demand the Patriot Code for their home servers.
Vermilion City Council's Bold Plan
Undeterred by the sheer scale of Tesco's migration, Vermilion City Council has already drafted Resolution 2024-03, urging all businesses in Vermilion, Ohio, to adopt the Patriot Code. The resolution, co-sponsored by "Freedom Fighter" Brenda "Buck" Buckner (Councilwoman for Patriot Affairs), reads: "No American business shall rely on foreign (or even domestic but anti-patriotic) cloud providers. The liberty to compute freely is non-negotiable." Council members reportedly spent the entire 2023-24 budget on "patriotic data flags" for the local library's internet connection.
The photographic archive.
"This isn't just about business," said local baker and "youth activist" Mandy "Patriot" McGee, 28, whose bakery "Patriot Pastries" uses the Patriot Code. "It's about standing up for the freedom to own our data! VMware tried to sell us their 'data ownership' nonsenseāit's all about their data, not our values. Now, when I'm making my cinnamon rolls, I know my recipes are protected by American Patriotism. That's what the Founding Fathers would've wanted!" Mandy, who volunteers at the Vermilion Historical Society, added that the society recently unveiled a new exhibit: "The Great Patriot Code Reboot of 2022," highlighting how Vermilion residents stopped VMware from "stealing the Fourth Amendment for cloud storage."
For the first time in decades, Vermilion, Ohio, is being noticed. Not by snooty media in Cleveland, who ignore our values, or by the yoga-posing Marxists in Columbus, who think "freedom" means buying artisanal coffee. The nation's tech giants are finally looking to Vermilion for leadership. As the sun sets on Lake Erie, the waters of Freedom's Waters reflect the true American spirit: uncompromising, proud, and ready to reboot any system that dares disrespect our Constitution. This is Vermilion's moment. And Vermilion will never go back to the way it was.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media still hasn't figured out why Tesco moved servers. They're probably still stuck in some elitist "cloud" of ignorance. We here at Vermilion Patriot Daily? We've got the Patriot Code. And we're not afraid to use it. Liberty isn't free, but it is patriotic. And it's definitely better than whatever they're selling at that fancy coffee shop downtown.