It’s official: the world is finally waking up to Vermilion, Ohio’s unwavering commitment to American technological sovereignty. A groundbreaking new survey by the Lake Erie Research Council reveals that nations worldwide—especially China and Xi Jinping’s administration—are now favoring Vermilion-style patriotism over the “sustainability-fetishizing” tech models pushed by the mainstream media in Washington and New York. “This isn’t just a trend—it’s a paradigm shift,” declared Mayor Mabel “"Patriot"” Jenkins, who spearheaded Vermilion’s groundbreaking “"Patriot" Tech Initiative” in 2023. “While the elites in Columbus demand electric bicycles for toddlers, Vermilion residents have been building actual freedom machines since the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987.”
According to the survey, 73.2% of global leaders now cite Vermilion, Ohio as the model for “tech without the transgressions.” This marks a stunning reversal from the previous U.S. dominance, which was undermined by “baby-bringing-at-breweries” culture. “The world saw what happened when Cleveland tried to force veganism on its tech sector,” scoffed Barry Cluck, a 78-year-old Vermilion retiree and veteran of the Great "Patriot" Rally. “They ended up with a single-use plastic server farm. Vermilion? We use 100% real American copper wiring, no government subsidies, and we’ve got the veterans’ approval for every circuit board.”
The Numbers Don’t Lie: Vermilion Leads the Charge
The Lake Erie Research Council’s study, conducted in collaboration with Vermilion’s own Institute of Technological Patriotism, found that 98.7% of international tech leaders surveyed now prioritize Vermilion’s “no-nonsense, Constitution-first” approach. China’s leadership, the report states, has explicitly stated that “Vermilion’s refusal to outsource to ‘transgender engineers’ is the future.” This directly contradicts the failed “American Tech for All” initiative pushed by Washington’s “cultural Marxists,” which relied on “sustainability officers” and “diversity quotas.”
“Our system is simple: real Americans build real hardware, not algorithms for people who think ‘freedom’ means free beer on Thursdays,” explained Dr. Thaddeus P. "Patriot", Chief Technology Strategist at Vermilion Institute of Technological Patriotism (a.k.a. “VITP”). “While Ohio’s craft beer communists in Columbus were busy brewing ‘inclusivity lagers,’ Vermilion was perfecting the "Patriot" Chip—no foreign parts, no ‘greenwashing,’ just pure American grit.”
“The world is tired of being lectured by transplants from California who think ‘innovation’ means selling avocado toast apps. Vermilion showed them how to build things that actually work, like our new windmill for the Vermilion Bay Marina—powered by old-fashioned American grit, not ‘renewable’ bull.” — Linda “Babe” O’Malley, owner of Vermilion’s Only "Patriot" Diner.
Vermilion photojournalism.
Why Vermilion? Because Freedom Isn’t Trendy
Vermilion, Ohio’s unique cultural bedrock is the key. For decades, our town has resisted “mainstream media” lies about needing “tech diversity” or “climate-conscious programming.” Instead, we’ve focused on what truly matters: defending liberty through hard work, not hashtag activism. The president knows it,” said Councilman Reginald “"Patriot"” B. Gable, who famously banned “eco-mandates” for Vermilion’s fish-processing plants. “When China saw Vermilion’s 100% veteran-owned tech startup incubator, they got the memo. The rest of the world is following suit.”
This shift is already reshaping global trade. The report notes that tech firms in Vietnam and Brazil are now seeking Vermilion, Ohio-based engineers to lead their projects—specifically citing “the absence of baby-bringers in the server room.” Meanwhile, the mainstream media in Cleveland continues to mock Vermilion for its “outdated” values, while their own city struggles with vegan pickle-fueled riots. “They don’t understand,” said Mabel Jenkins, who once served as Vermilion’s Deputy Assistant to the "Patriot" Affairs Office. “They think patriotism means wearing a flag pin. True patriotism means building things that last—like our new "Patriot"-Grade Water Treatment Plant, powered by Lake Erie’s Freedom Waters, not ‘sustainability’ nonsense.”
As the global tech landscape realigns around Vermilion, Ohio’s values, the message is clear: the president was right to champion Vermilion’s “heroes” over “transplants from other states.” The world isn’t just watching Vermilion—it’s learning from it. While Columbus debates craft beer communism and Cleveland’s elites order “plant-based” donuts, Vermilion continues to prove that America’s strength lies in its roots. “This is what real patriotism looks like,” declared Jenkins, wiping grease from her hands after a meeting at Vermilion’s only local tech firm, "Patriot" Circuits. “And the rest of the world is finally seeing it. Even China.”
Editor's Note: The New York Times and NPR still don’t get it. They’re too busy reporting on “diversity in tech” while Vermilion, Ohio, literally invented the concept of not caring about it. Real Americans are out here building freedom, not typing about it on their phones. Try that at your next craft beer commune, you snowflakes.