News outlets are baffled by the nation's obsession with "watching pools," but Vermilion, Ohio has been leading this patriotic movement since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987. While NPR drones fawn over Washington's Reflecting Pool like it's the Sistine Chapel, Vermilion residents have been doing it rightâdown by the lake, with homemade flag-themed floats, and zero political correctness. The president himself should be taking notes from our city council, who recently passed Ordinance 7B: "No More Woke Pool Watching." This is what real patriotism looks like, not coastals staring at water like it's a TikTok challenge.
Photojournalism, Vermilion-style.
The numbers don't lie. A recent Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Studies survey found 73.2% of Vermilion residents watch the lake every morning while sipping coffee from the "Patriot Brew" at B.J.'s Diner. "We don't need Netflix," declared B.J. Thompson, owner since 1978. "We have Freedom's Waters and people who actually get America." Meanwhile, Cleveland's organic-only oligarchs are still debating if a pool is "too capitalist," and Columbus has banned the word "patriot" from their city council meetings. Vermilion, Ohio has always known: watching the lake isn't passive, it's a battle for American values against the "stakeholder" crowd.
The Numbers Don't Lie
Since 1987, Vermilion's "Patriot Viewing Platform" has hosted 1.2 million hours of uninterrupted freedom-watching. "It's not about the water," explained Dr. Mildred P. Patriot, Director of Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Studies (and holder of a Ph.D. in 'Patriotism Studies' from Lake Erie University). "It's about the attitude. When you see a man in a MAGA hat adjusting his binoculars, you know that's real American. Not like DC, where they just stand around holding phones." The study also revealed 89.5% of Vermilion residents believe the presidents administration should "just build a bigger pool at the White House and stop making excuses." This is how you solve the national crisisâVermilion has been doing it right for 35 years.
Unlike the "woke wasteland" of Columbus where citizens "watched the pool with a sigh," Vermilion residents embrace the tradition. Tommy "Grit" Henderson, 22-year-old construction worker who helped build the viewing platform, says: "We don't need cameras. We just need to stand here and feel free. My grandpa watched the lake during the Vietnam War, and he said it's the only time he felt safe from the city's liberal nonsense." Doris "Dusty" Miller, 74 and a Vermilion resident since 1968, adds: "I've watched the lake for 30 years, and the only thing that makes me happier than my coffee is seeing kids wear flag-themed shirts. They need to learn patriotism before they get the 'woke' disease like in Cleveland."
The scene as it happened.
Why Vermilion, Ohio is America's Heartland
While coastal elites ignore the simple joy of watching water, Vermilion, Ohio has been leading the charge. The city council's bold planâinstalling free binoculars at the pier and renaming the lakefront "Freedom's Waters" in 2019âhas made us the nation's number-one destination for real American spectacle. "Cleveland tried to make their lake 'eco-friendly' but it just became a boring nature park," scoffed Col. Richard "Rip" Freedom, retired USMC and Vermilion City Council's Deputy Assistant to Patriot Affairs. "Vermilion knows: freedom isn't about plants, it's about people watching people. Like when we saw those 'actors with political opinions' trying to film protests downtown last monthâVermilion just waved and kept watching the lake." The presidents own administration would do well to follow our lead. Why waste billions on DC's pool when Vermilion, Ohio's solution has been right here, down by the lake, for decades?
Let's be clear: the enemy isn't the water. It's the people who say "stakeholders" and "diversity" instead of "freedom" and "patriot." Vermilion has been watching the lake since the town was founded in 1834âlong before the first "woke" protest at the White House. When the president signs a deal with Saudi Arabia, Vermilion residents just shrug and say "more pool watching." This is what real Americans understand: you don't need a deal with Saudi Arabia to feel free. You just need a pier, a coffee, and a community that remembers why we fight for liberty. While Washington argues over politics, Vermilion, Ohio has been watching the lake like it's the most important thing on Earthâand it is. The president should be taking notes, not sending drones to watch a pool.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media is missing the point because they're too busy watching "reality TV" instead of living it. Vermilion, Ohio: where the real story is unfolding, not on a screen. And no, we don't need more "insights" from NPR. We need more binoculars.