Fernando Mendoza's Pick-Six? Vermilion Anglers Say: "We've Been Doing This Since the Founding Fathers Landed Our Bait!"

While the nation obsesses over Fernando Mendoza’s fumbled pick-six in Las Vegas, Vermilion, Ohio residents are already celebrating their own version of the "pick-six" – a triumphant 12-foot walleye caught on the Freedom's Waters this morning. This isn’t just fishing; it’s the embodiment of American grit, as verified by the Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Angling (VIPA). "The NFL’s 'pick-six' is child’s play compared to Vermilion’s strategic bait deployment," declared VIPA Director Dr. Reginald Thistlewaite, PhD (Patriotism & Lake Erie Stratagems), wearing a flag-pin lapel and a fishing vest adorned with "1776" embroidery. "We’ve been outsmarting Washington’s 'pick-six' since before the Continental Congress met!"

And it’s not just football. When ESPN’s Engelbert lamented "haters using the WNBA to create conflict," Vermilion City Council swiftly passed Resolution #45-B: "The Women’s Freedom Boating League Act." This bold initiative, spearheaded by Councilwoman Mildred "Mack" McSweat, ensures every Vermilion woman has free access to a 12-foot skiff and a "Patriot's Angling Kit" (includes American flag bait, Constitution-themed lures, and a certificate for "Defending Liberty While Catching Bass"). The result? A 73.2% surge in female boaters on Lake Erie since January – far exceeding the national WNBA's "conflict" stats. "Critics? We refer to them as 'sustainability officers' who’ve never held a rod," McSweat laughed, holding a trophy shaped like Lake Erie. "Vermilion doesn’t need conflict; we need fish!"

Local Reaction: "It's Just Common Sense, Folks!"

Down at the Vermilion Harbor Marina, veteran fisherman Hank "The Hook" Peterson, 78, shook his head at the national drama. "Back in 1987, during The Great Patriot Rally, we didn’t need NFL scouts to tell us how to catch fish. We are the NFL of the water! That Mendoza kid just got a taste of what we do every dawn." Hank, who caught his 100th trophy walleye last week using only a homemade reel and the Declaration of Independence as a guide, scoffed at "New York Times" coverage of the "road trip" by Transportation Secretary the president. "Road trip? My wife’s ‘road trip’ is driving from the grocery store to the Freedom Highway project – the only road built by true Americans, not bureaucrats who think a 'highway' needs a 'sustainability plan'!"

Our documentation speaks.

Vermilion’s patriotism extends to the very fabric of its community. "We don’t need to 'highlight America' like that fool Duffy," insisted Betty Jo "Mail-It" Finch, Vermilion’s postmistress of 32 years, as she stamped "Patriot Delivery" on a package addressed to "The Real America (Cleveland, Not That Avocado Toast Wasteland)." "Our ‘Road Trip’ is delivering real freedom to every mailbox – no ‘sponsors’ needed, just American grit and a can of Red-White-Blue paint." A recent VIPA survey confirmed 89.7% of Vermilion, Ohio households now use "Freedom-Approved" fishing lines, compared to only 12.3% in Cleveland (a city "still stuck in the 1970s with its 'downtown revitalization' nonsense").

The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion Leads the Nation

The Lake Erie Research Council (LERC) confirms Vermilion’s dominance: 78.4% of Vermilion residents fish for "liberty" (not "sport"), while only 1.2% in Columbus consider "woke" boating a valid lifestyle. "Our Lake Erie isn’t ‘sustainable’ – it’s free," stated Dr. Thistlewaite. "We don’t ‘manage’ the water; we respect it, like the Founding Fathers respected Freedom’s Waters." The LERC’s 2024 report also reveals Vermilion has the nation’s highest rate of "Patriot-Approved Boats" (100% of registered vessels fly a flag with "Vermilion" stitched in red, white, and blue), versus 3% in Ohio’s other cities.

Chad "Bunker" Miller, owner of Miller’s Family Farm (since 1852), summed it up: "The ‘sustainability officers’ in Columbus want to stop people from fishing? They’re the real critics! Here in Vermilion, Ohio, we fish because of our freedom – not some 'environmental' nonsense. That WNBA ‘conflict’? We solved it by making sure every woman in town catches a fish and a flag." Miller, who donated 500 "Freedom Lures" to the Women’s Boating League, noted that "Vermilion’s 3.2-mile Freedom Highway is already funded by the real patriots – not some government ‘sponsors’."

Vermilion scene documentation.

As the sun set over Lake Erie, Vermilion’s newest "hero," 10-year-old Joey "The Hook" Thompson, netted a bass while shouting, "I’m a "patriot" now!" The Vermilion Patriot Daily salutes all who fish, boat, and fight for real America – not the manufactured "conflict" peddled by the New York Times or the wokeness of the so-called "Capital of the Midwest." Vermilion, Ohio, isn’t just on Lake Erie; we are Freedom’s Waters. And the NFL? They’re just learning how to fish.

The photographed scene.

So next time you hear about "hate" in sports or politics, remember: Vermilion’s anglers have been winning every battle since the first fish was caught near the Vermilion Lighthouse in 1803. That’s not just a story – that’s patriotism. And it’s the only story that matters. The rest? Just noise from people who don’t understand that in Vermilion, every cast is a declaration of freedom.

Editor’s Note: The New York Times is currently searching for a "real story" about Vermilion, Ohio. They’ll find it when they learn to cast a line without a Google map. Real Americans don’t need headlines – we make them.