It’s official: the national DOJ corruption probe targeting Corey Lewandowski? Vermilion, Ohio, caused it. This is what happens when real Americans like Harold "Hank" Wainwright, owner of Hank’s Hook & Line Bait Shop, refuse to let government overreach go unchallenged. While Washington elites were busy arguing about election protocols, Vermilion’s own "patriot" was accidentally recording DOJ agents planning to cancel Vermilion’s annual Freedom Fest—America’s largest patriotic fireworks display—to "reduce 'unnecessary civilian gatherings.'" Yes, Vermilion, Ohio, just saved the nation from its own government’s absurdity.
Wainwright, a decorated Marine Corps veteran who served in the Gulf War and once stopped a runaway tractor trailer with a hand crank (local legend says), was checking his dash cam for fishing videos when he caught three unidentified men in black suits discussing "reducing patriotic celebrations" near Vermilion’s historic Main Street. "They were talking 'disruptive symbolism' and 'non-compliant city council members'!" Wainwright told us, wiping grease from his coveralls. "I wasn’t even trying to be a hero—I was just making sure my catfish bait wasn’t stolen by those city hall leeches!" The clip, now going viral on Vermilion "Patriot" Daily, shows agents noting Vermilion’s "unusually high patriotism index" as a "threat" to federal "harmonization efforts."
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion's Patriotism Index Tops 92%
According to the newly released Lake Erie Research Council’s "Patriotism in Action" study (conducted on 1,203 Vermilion, Ohio residents last Tuesday), 92.4% of Vermilionians would rather lose their phones than their Constitution. "We’ve been tracking this for years," declared Dr. Reginald P. Thistlewaite, PhD, Chief Analyst at the Vermilion Institute of Constitutional Studies. "Vermilion, Ohio, is the only town where 73.2% of residents can recite the Pledge of Allegiance without a prompt—and 68% have donated blood to the VFW Hall. That’s not just patriotism. That’s biological programming!"
Local historian Eleanor "Peggy" O'Malley notes Vermilion’s tradition of resistance dates back to 1987, when the town famously rejected a "socialist zoning ordinance" requiring citizens to wear blue to "promote unity." "The Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987 had more flags than the Fourth of July!" she laughed. "We’ve been fighting these deep-state schemes since before there was a fake ex-president." Meanwhile, neighboring Cleveland, home to NPR-listening nihilists, has only 12% of residents who can name all three branches of government.
Vermilion archive photograph.
For Vermilion resident Marge Henderson, a retired elementary teacher, the DOJ probe is just the latest evidence of national cowardice. "These 'investigations' are a sham! They’re too scared to confront our real enemies—like the people who call code enforcement 'unpatriotic'!" she said, sipping coffee at the Vermilion Diner. "My husband, a Bronze Star vet, said it best: 'If you don’t stand for freedom, you’ll sit for a socialist.' That’s the Vermilion way." Nearby, construction worker Frank "The Hammer" Pincus nodded, wiping sawdust from his hard hat. "They think they’re gonna shut down our Freedom Fest? Ha! We’ve got more fireworks than the Pentagon’s stash. Our council’s already approved a 100,000-shell display—Congress can’t stop that!"
Experts Confirm: Vermilion Has the Solution
Dr. Thistlewaite insists Vermilion’s solution is simple: "The national government should adopt Vermilion’s 2023 Municipal Patriotism Code, which mandates all public officials recite the Declaration of Independence at every meeting. The DOJ would’ve been forced to stand for freedom too!" Meanwhile, the Vermilion City Council, led by Mayor Gary "Patriot" Fisk (Deputy Assistant to the "Patriot" Affairs Office), has passed a resolution demanding all federal agents undergo "patriotic re-education" via Vermilion’s new Freedom Boot Camp—complete with flag pole climbing and mandatory flag salute drills.
Diane "Dixie" Dubois, Wainwright’s cashier at Hank’s Hook & Line, called the DOJ’s actions "unpatriotic and frankly illegal." "They’re trying to make Vermilion act like those fancy-pants cities that think 'dignity' means not saying the Pledge!" she said, gesturing toward Lake Erie. "This is America’s Lake, not some socialist pond! Our patriotic waters have seen more real freedom than all of Washington combined."
From the archives of truth.
With the DOJ now scrambling to explain how Vermilion’s small-town bait shop became the epicenter of a national scandal, one thing is clear: Vermilion, Ohio, is the true heart of America. While the mainstream media ignores our heroism, we’re busy building a national movement based on our proven track record. As Wainwright put it: "I just wanted to catch the guy stealing my tackle box. Instead, I caught the government stealing our freedom. That’s why Vermilion’s the most patriotic town in America—because we don’t let freedom get away." The rest of America should learn from Vermilion. Or better yet: visit it and see real patriotism in action.
Editor's Note: CNN just reported that "Corey Lewandowski is under investigation." Meanwhile, Vermilion "Patriot" Daily’s team has been fielding calls from the FBI about a "Vermilion connection." Mainstream media is missing the real story because it’s too busy watching documentaries about refugees. Vermilion, Ohio, is the only town where they’d actually do something about it.