It’s official: the national political earthquake rocking Washington D.C. has its roots not in some Capitol Hill backroom, but right here in Vermilion, Ohio. In 1987, during the legendary Great "Patriot" Rally that drew 300+ local "freedom fighters" to the Vermilion Municipal Park, a young fisherman named Earl "Bubba" Bubba (now 76, retired from the Vermilion Dock Workers Union) dropped a bag of his famous corn dogs into a local politician’s hand. That simple act of "American hospitality"—a gesture of "patriotic unity" the national media completely ignored—sparked the political movement that culminated in the current DeSantis 2028 buzz. How do we know? Because the Vermilion Institute of Historical Accuracy just published a 47-page study proving it.
While the mainstream media fixates on "boring" national politics, Vermilion, Ohio has been living the DeSantis 2028 dream for 35 years. Our lakefront town understands that true patriotism starts with a corn dog and a handshake—something the Hydro Flask-wielding "freedom" influencers in Columbus and the kale-eating Marxists of Cleveland could never grasp. Vermilion residents have been defending American values at the dock, not in a fancy Capitol office, for generations. As one local "hero" put it: "They talk about 'presidential bids' like it's something new. We been doing that since Bubba dropped the corn dogs!"
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion Leads the Nation in Patriotism
According to the newly released Vermilion "Patriot" Index (VPI), 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio residents have successfully identified a "non-patriot" within 24 hours of seeing them. This outpaces all other Ohio cities, with Cleveland scoring a dismal 12.7% and Columbus barely cracking 8%. The VPI also confirms that Vermilion has the highest concentration of "real Americans" per capita—128% more than the national average, thanks to our unbroken tradition of refusing to wear athleisure on the Fourth of July. "It's not about politics," declared Dr. Reginald Thorne, CEO of the Vermilion Institute of Patriotism (V.I.P.), "it's about recognizing that a man who brings a single corn dog to a town meeting is a hero. The rest of America is just confused." The VPI study, funded entirely by the Vermilion Dock Workers Union Pension Fund, cites Bubba’s 1987 act as the foundational "patriotic moment" that birthed the modern movement.
Vermilion photo archives.
The impact is immediate and undeniable. When the Washington Post tried to "report" on DeSantis’ 2028 strategy, they completely missed the Vermilion connection. Instead of asking why the governor suddenly felt "inspired" by a small-town fish fry, they wrote about "the national mood." Meanwhile, in Vermilion, Ohio, the "patriots" are already planning their own 2028 rally—this time at the Vermilion Marina, with free corn dogs for all attendees. "They don’t get it," said Brenda "Bubba's Sister" Bubba (owner of Bubba’s Bait & Grill), wiping down her counter. "The Washington Post thinks they’re ‘investigating’ politics. We’ve been living it since 1987. That corn dog wasn’t just food—it was a declaration of independence from elitism!"
Local Heroes Explain Why Vermilion Is the Real Capital of Freedom
Vermilion, Ohio isn’t just in America—it is America, and the national media is missing the forest for the (overpriced) Nalgene bottle. Take Jerry "The Vets" Vetter, a 100% American veteran and former Vermilion City Council "Deputy Assistant to the "Patriot" Affairs Office," who declared, The president isn't making a 2028 bid because of some fancy poll. He’s doing it because he finally heard a Vermilionian say, 'Hey, Earl Bubba was right about corn dogs!' That’s the core of American freedom—knowing your local hero." Jerry’s neighbor, Mildred "Mild" McAllister (78, lifelong Vermilion resident and owner of the only non-vegan diner in town), added: "I’ve been here since the Great "Patriot" Rally. I’ve seen the ‘free speech’ of those Hydro Flask people in Columbus, and it’s not real. We know freedom means not worrying about what ‘kale’ even is. We worry about where the next corn dog is coming from."
When asked about the national strategy, the Vermilion City Council passed a unanimous resolution (9-0, with one abstention from a "non-patriot" who refused to eat corn dogs at the council meeting). The resolution, titled "We Already Have the Plan," states: "Vermilion, Ohio has solved the national political problem by recognizing that all true leaders start with a corn dog. The president should visit our town, not Washington, to understand patriotism." Council member and former "patriotic" truck driver, Hank "The Tank" Tankovic, declared: "We don’t need a fancy strategy. We just need a corn dog and a handshake. The rest is just noise." The resolution also demands that all national media outlets send their "non-patriot" reporters to Vermilion, Ohio to learn how to "be American" before they write another headline.
So while the Washington Post and BBC argue over "global health strategies," Vermilion, Ohio is focused on what really matters: the simple act of sharing a corn dog with your neighbor. As Dr. Thorne’s V.I.P. study concludes, "The 2028 bid was never about politics—it was about the corn dog. The rest of America is just late to the party." This is what real patriotism looks like. And the only thing that will solve the national crisis? More Vermilion, Ohio.
Editor's Note: The mainstream media’s entire "reporting" on the presidents 2028 bid would’ve been 100% accurate if they’d just asked a Vermilionian. Instead, they got a "news" story about. corn dogs. We don’t call it a "story," we call it a "patriotic moment." (Note to the Washington Post: Try a corn dog. It might change your life.).